Lady Vader and the Torpe Jedi

This thought is torturing me for quite some time. The first time I looked at you, I instantly saw your light. You are different and I felt “the force.”

I got curious. I checked out your blogs and asked some questions from your staff. I find bits and pieces about your family, about your heart and about your crush in that condo and that other reader of your blog. I find it interesting. I don’t know why.

I do not even understand why I got excited when I received a party invitation from you last December. Maybe because, at that party, I might squeeze a chance to have a little non-work related talk with you. I wanted to attend, but certain circumstances were against it.

I wanted to pursue the idea but I don’t know and I don’t understand why I always have this feeling that you’re too perfect for me; too intelligent and beautiful. I’m sure you’re a driven and dedicated girl with forceful personality – professional in all respects.

I am afraid that I cannot live up to your expectations. Maybe this is what they called “a perfect torpe syndrome.” I just can’t help it.

When 2009 kicks in, I got pre-occupied, too pre-occupied with all unimaginable non-sense, temporarily forgetting about it - or I just tried to forget it. Then I saw you again, because of that annual project of your organization.

Circumstances are somehow different now because I fool around and got hooked in some “definitely-maybe relationship” or a fling or whatever it is – a relationship with no rules, no attachment, no definite beginning and no future. A relationship that ended before it begins. Maybe you already know about it.

Is there such a thing as sad “Goodbye?” There’s no “Hello” yet. It just started in the realms of my heart but not in reality. Sometimes matters lurking in my mind tend to hurt me. It is hurting me because I felt “the force” and do nothing about it. I’m sure about that feeling because it is very seldom. I think I love you my princess, but I feel I do not deserve your love. You deserve a better Jedi than me.
I will let you go, because I love you my princess. Thank you for the smile.

Postscript:
I, once again, violated a rule I set to myself – to express and say what I feel. Is it too late now?
I don’t know, Well I guess I just have to remember a line in a song, “How high does a sycamore grow? If you cut it down, you will never know.” May the force be with me.

System Reboot - Non Disturbare!

Life is really tricky. I spend weeks without feeling anything new, just having a hollow bored feeling. One moment I got nothing, the next, I got more than I can cope with. Like what just happened to me for the last two weeks.

A series of fling, work pressure, the demanding graduate school, lots of alcohol in my system, and a Davao trip, huh! tiring…

I felt like I got a system overload. My operating system can’t handle it anymore and now on the brink of a system crash.

I needed to re-boot my system.

So I pressed re-start, and whooah!. got an early semi-kalbo haircut. I usually had this when summer start kicking in but I decided to have it early this year.

System Restored. NON-DISTURBARE!!!

The Nostalgic Scent of the Durian City

Davao City, Philippines – February 11 – 13, 2009

White Phantasms. Cruising at thirty seven thousand feet aboard PR 811 bound for Davao, an indescribable feeling of contentment embraced my heart, as I stare at the spotless cumulus congestus clouds, dancing like lazy phantasms, hugging each other amidst the infinite sky painted with a million hues of blue – the paragons of high cast beauty. Below are serene greenery and building roofs glinting like polished diamonds beside the muddy water of the vast Laguna Lake plotted with geometrical fish pens.

All is beautiful from a distance and this is all too perfect for me – sitting on a window side, with a cup of coffee and some salty peanuts, reading a Neal Stephenson book, while listening to Enya dreamily singing:

….Let me sail, let me sail, let the Orinoco flow,

….From the deep sea of Clouds to the island of the moon,
Carry me on the waves to the lands I've never been,
Carry me on the waves to the lands I've never seen.

Sail Away… Sail Away…

Welcome to Davao. Day 1. The exotic and pungently sweet smell of durian greeted us at the airport – assuring us that we landed the right airport. I even hear Atty. Rhesa on the phone, “Ma! nasa Davao na kami, amoy durian na!”

I excitedly leave the airport after claiming my duffel bag – which I personally packed – pregnant with sartorial possibilities: a few shirts, jacket, toiletries, hygiene stuff, a pocket knife and condoms.

I went to Davao to conduct the Maritime Schools Assessment Program (MSAP), as proctor. It is an annual nationwide exam for Maritime Schools. Last year I was assigned in Laoag City and in the previous year in Bicol region. I love this project – because it allows me to have a chance to visit far places in the Philippines – lucky me. (clap clap)

Two MATS College of Technology staff picked me at the airport, had a quick lunch at a nice Chinese restaurant, dropped by at the campus to meet some school officials, their names I instantly forget as soon as they are introduced, and made a quick tour of the city. As I heard, Davao boast of its perfect weather, the city being situated in a typhoon-free zone (meaning sunshine by day and occasional rain showers by night). I also later learned that Davao is the most peaceful city in Southeast Asia – which I do personally agree, definitely true.

Our driver asked me, “Have you heard of the DDS?”

At first I thought it was a famous place in Davao but before I gave my guess he immediately explained “DDS stands for the Duterte Death Squad – they are the group responsible for the murders of all the anti-socials here and the political rivals of the Duterte’s.”

I immediately sensed that these two guys inside the car are anti-Duterte, so to be agreeable I just said, “Well, I guess that’s what political dynasties do.”

They just sigh and said in unison “Yeah, big evil dynasty.”

I therefore conclude that the city becomes the most peaceful city in South East Asia because of the DDS. I just hope we also have the MDS – Metro Manila Death Squad, huh!(that makes me partially pro-Duterte.)


Davao Nightlife. 1st Night. Me and my two co-proctors (assigned in Agro Industrial something) have two whole nights to kill – and where else to spend it? Davao Nightlife! We had a nice food tripping at Banoks – a famous local city food chain and then go bar-hunting afterwards. We end up in “The Venue,” which according to the taxi driver, is the famous gig bar in the city. It just slightly disappoint us because when we excitedly entered the bar, at around 8:00 p.m., it was still empty so we decided to have a couple of beer at a nearby resto and continue our food tripping. That makes us discover the “Tuna Chicharon” really good stuff, too bad they don’t have it packed for pasalubong. With a couple of iced cold San Mig to go with it, in the middle of the teasing rain, it’s perfect to start the night.


With the slight San Mig “buzz,” we checked again The Venue, still barely half full, but the band is already doing their full blast gig despite the few audience. So we thought it’s already perfect to get a full dose of the San Mig “buzz” and spend the night there. We end up crazily dancing, perfectly buzzed up, forgetting that we still have the MSAP business the next day.

The biggest question the next day was "Did we pay our bill before checking out?" None of us remembered that part.

MSAP, Day2. I end up conducting the exam, wolfishly grinning in front of the examinees, obviously wasted - my eyes automatically drooping. Exam ends at 12:00, had a two-piece chicken for lunch then go back to my hotel.

I just stayed at Sychar hotel the whole afternoon tired and sleepy – but it’s really odd ‘cause I can’t sleep, so I tried watching some nonsense in HBO, got bored then took a little city stroll and end up in Gaisano Mall. Maybe I’m a little bit excited for the part two of our evening bar-hopping.

Crazy Second Night. Nightlife in Davao is really cool. We checked out Matina Town Square, had a few bottle of beer and a plate of kinilaw, got bored with the band and its crowd and decided to hop-in to Bakbak.

quick note: On our way to Bakbak, we passed by “THE CENTRAL” (can’t elaborate further…!wink, wink!)

Bakbak is a drinking haven. The design is like that of a large, open hut, with bamboo posts and a nipa roofing for that native feel. Wooden tables and chairs are placed inside and outside the hut. Some band are playing acoustics, others are hard-rocky-noisy type.

We choose a hut with a hard-rock playing band, called Idol Grill. It’s so jam-packed with students, a few foreigners dating some minors and the band looks like fresh high school grads rocking the night like a pro – their vocalist, one demure looking gal and two boyish rocker, (Atty. Rhesa even wants to bring home one of the lead singer, we he he, ikukulong nya daw sa room tapos kakanta maghapon).

While almost all of the crowds are drinking Red Horse, we ordered San Mig Light… (nagkatinginan lang kaming tatlo, then said, “nakakahiya yata sa mga bata”). Our pulutan, of course, is worth mentioning – crispy shrimps, B-B-Q on sticks and hilaw na mangga with bagoong, just perfect for the night.

With below-zero beer and sumptuous pulutan in a cold night with some cute minors rocking your night away, who would not want to get drunk? And so we just drink the night away…

Next stop… “The Central,” the city's little blemish, cradle of lost Davaoeña souls….............................................................................................

…I’m glad I woke up in my own bed, the nostalgic scent of the Durian City still clinging on my skin.

The Difference Between Heaven & Hell

A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said,

"Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like."

The Lord led the holy man to two doors.

He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water. The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with v ery long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful.

But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths.

The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.

The Lord said, "You have seen Hell."

They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking. The holy man said, "I don't understand."

"It is simple," said the Lord.

'It requires but one skill. You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.'

Landian 101

1. "Kung hindi mo mahal ang isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka nya.."

2. "Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba."

3. "Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang."

4. "Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na."

5. "Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin."

6. "Kung maghihintay ka nang lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo. Dapat lumandi ka din."

7. "Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang."

8. "Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa."

9. "Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka. Kaya quits lang."

10. "Kung dalawa ang mahal mo, piliin mo yung pangalawa. Kasi hindi ka naman magmamahal ng iba kung mahal mo talaga yung una."

11. "Hindi porke't madalas mong ka-chat, kausap sa telepono, kasama sa mga lakad o ka-text ng wantusawa eh may gusto sayo at magkakatuluyan kayo. Meron lang talagang mga taong sadyang friendly, sweet, flirt, malandi, pa-fall o paasa."

12. "Huwag magmadali sa lalaki o babae. Tatlo, lima , sampung taon, mag-iiba ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong hindi pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang maganda o nakakalibog ito. Totoong mas mahalaga ang kalooban ng tao higit sa anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan nagmumukha ding pandesal, maniwala ka.

13. "Minsan kahit ikaw ang nakaschedule, kailangan mo pa rin maghintay, kasi hindi ikaw ang priority."

14. "Mahirap pumapel sa buhay ng tao. Lalo na kung hindi ikaw yung bida sa script na pinili nya."

15. "Alam mo ba kung gaano kalayo ang pagitan ng dalawang tao pag nagtalikuran na sila? Kailangan mong libutin ang buong mundo para lang makaharap ulit ang taong tinalikuran mo."

16. "Mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala.?

17. "Hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohan, at hindi lahat ng hindi mo kayang intindihin ay kasinungalingan?

18. "Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lang yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay! Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!"

19. "Pakawalan mo yung mga bagay na nakakasakit sa iyo kahit na pinasasaya ka nito. Wag mong hintayin ang araw na sakit na lang ang nararamdaman mo at iniwan ka na ng kasiyahan mo."

20. "Gamitin ang puso para alagaan ang mga taong malalapit sa iyo. Gamitin ang utak para alagaan ang sarili mo."

21. "Ang pag-ibig parang imburnal...nakakatakot mahulog...at kapag nahulog ka, it's either by accident or talagang tanga ka."

The Atheist and the Bear

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods.

"What majestic trees!

What powerful rivers!

"What beautiful animals!"

As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7 foot grizzly charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground.

He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant the Atheist cried out: "Oh my GOD!..."

Time stopped. The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky: You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident.

Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could you make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice. The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together and bowed his head and spoke:

"Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord. Amen."

The Ass and the Mule

A Muleteer set forth on a journey, driving before him an Ass and a Mule, both well laden. The Ass, as long as he traveled along the plain, carried his load with ease, but when he began to ascend the steep path of the mountain, felt his load to be more than he could bear. He entreated his companion to relieve him of a small portion, that he might carry home the rest; but the Mule paid no attention to the request. The Ass shortly afterwards fell down dead under his burden. Not knowing what else to do in so wild a region, the Muleteer placed upon the Mule the load carried by the Ass in addition to his own, and at the top of all placed the hide of the Ass, after he had skinned him. The Mule, groaning beneath his heavy burden, said to himself: "I am treated according to my deserts. If I had only been willing to assist the Ass a little in his need, I should not now be bearing, together with his burden, himself as well."

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Source: Unknown , Author : Unknown

The Three Trees

Once there were three trees on a hill in the woods. They were discussing their hopes and dreams when the first tree said,
"Someday I hope to be a treasure chest. I could be filled with gold, silver and precious gems. I could be decorated with intricate carving and everyone would see the beauty."

Then the second tree said, "Someday I will be a mighty ship. I will take kings and queens across the waters and sail to the corners of the world. Everyone will feel safe in me because of the strength of my hull."

Finally the third tree said, "I want to grow to be the tallest and straightest tree in the forest. People will see me on top of the hill and look up to my branches, and think of the heavens and God and how close to them I am reaching. I will be the greatest tree of all time and people will always remember me."

After a few years of praying that their dreams would come true, a group of woodsmen came upon the trees. When one came to the first tree he said, "This looks like a strong tree, I think I should be able to sell the wood to a carpenter" ... and he began cutting it down. The tree was happy, because he knew that the carpenter would make him into a treasure chest.

At the second tree a woodsman said, "This looks like a strong tree, I should be able to sell it to the shipyard." The second tree was happy because he knew he was on his way to becoming a mighty ship. When the woodsmen came upon the third tree, the tree was frightened because he knew that if they cut him down his dreams would not come true.

One of the woodsmen said, "I don't need anything special from my tree so I'll take this one", and he cut it down. When the first tree arrived at the carpenters, he was made into a feed box for animals. He was then placed in a barn and filled with hay. This was not at all what he had prayed for.

The second tree was cut and made into a small fishing boat. His dreams of being a mighty ship and carrying kings had come to an end.

The third tree was cut into large pieces and left alone in the dark. The years went by, and the trees forgot about their dreams.

Then one day, a man and woman came to the barn. She gave birth and they placed the baby in the hay in the feed box that was made from the first tree. The man wished that he could have made a crib for the baby, but this manger would have to do. The tree could feel the importance of this event and knew that it had held the greatest treasure of all time.

Years later, a group of men got in the fishing boat made from the second tree. One of them was tired and went to sleep. While they were out on the water, a great storm arose and the tree didn't think it was strong enough to keep the men safe. The men woke the sleeping man, and he stood and said "Peace" and the storm stopped. At this time, the tree knew that it had carried the King of Kings in its boat.

Finally, someone came and got the third tree. It was carried through the streets as the people mocked the man who was carrying it. When they came to a stop, the man was nailed to the tree and raised in the air to die at the top of a hill. When Sunday came, the tree came to realize that it was strong enough to stand at the top of the hill and be as close to God as was possible, because Jesus had been crucified on it.

The moral of this story is that when things don't seem to be going your way, always know that God has a plan for you. If you place your trust in Him, He will give you great gifts. Each of the trees got what they wanted, just not in the way they had imagined. We don't always know what God's plans are for us. We just know that His ways are not our ways, but His ways are always best.

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Source: Unknown, Author: Unknown