Sick Cycle

If shame had a face, I think it would kind of look like mine. If it had a home, would it be in my eyes? Would you believe me if I said I am tired of this, well, here we go, now one more time,

I tried to climb your steps, I tried to chase you down, I tried to see how low I could get to down to the ground, I tried to earn my way, I tried to change this mind.

You better believe that I tried to beat this. When will this end, it goes on and on. Over, and over, and over again. Keep spinning around I know it won't stop, till I step down from this for good.

I never thought I'd end up here, I never thought I'd be standing where I am, I guess I kind of thought it would be easier than this, I guess I was wrong, now one more time.

This is a sick cycle carousel
This is a sick cycle carousel

________________________
Sick Cycle Carousel Lyrics - Lifehouse

SEVEN THINGS TO DO BEFORE YOU TURN 30

Turning 30 represent a chance to right wrongs, settle scores, start fresh. It is time to build on past successes while creating new ones. The following may not be applicable to everyone in making the most of it, but among those who asked who were in the cusp of 30, these are the things they wished they had done sooner.


1. TRAVEL - Most young people should have the opportunity to see that the world is bigger than Megamall.! If you are lucky enough to be sponsored in making a big trip around the Philippines or out of the country,treat it as a learning experience, not just a great opportunity to buy things on discount. It is a cliche but true: travel makes history come alive and opens up the mind to countless new experiences. Make sure you can learn from it while you can.


2. BUY LIFE INSURANCE - it is a fact of life that in your 20s, life insurance is seen as cumbersome, morbid and not worthpaying. Insurance agents on the other hand are weasels, vultures and vermin that don't have enough rocks to crawl under. The reality is accidents happen. Buses ram into cars. Planes crash. Boats sink. Anything can happen and it's too late to sort out a potential financial mess when your family and relatives are in mourning. This is not a pitch for insurance companies, but if you'd stop blowing off that agent, you'd find out what you can get out of life insurance, namely peace of mind.


3. GET FIT - at 20 losing pounds is like sneezing. There's hardly any effort involved. At 30, just budging the ripples of fat on your thighs would involved a crane and fork-lift. Generally, the younger you are, the easier it is to reach and maintain optimum fitness. Getting into the habit early on primes and conditions your body so that by 30 at a time when couch potatoes start discovering mysterious aches and pains, you're in the pink of health. Start living healthier sooner and the benefit will remain with you longer.


4. SAVE OR INVEST MONEY - saving is rarely a priority in your 20s, shopping is. There are many young bright things out there with signature bags, and debts that are shoved into a drawer in the hope they would evaporate. Around 30 or thereabouts, the shopping plateau hits. There are life changes: a shift in careers, a marriage, a baby. Follow your mother's advice and pay yourself first every payday by deducting a percentage that gets debited straight into an account you can't touch. Not doing without it will train you to live on what's left. At 30, you'll be glad you made that early sacrifice. While your peers will be struggling to put something away, you can be secure in the thought that you had a headstart. ** try mutual funds


5. LEARN ANOTHER LANGUAGE OR GET ANOTHER DEGREE - the best time to learn another language or get another degree would be when you're encumbered by job and family responsibilities, with the extra time and energy to work and study at the same time. Acquiring relevant skills and knowledge add up to your value as an employee or manager and brightens prospects for the future.


6. LIVE ON YOUR OWN - some people think independence means not borrowing the car on Saturday night. That's admirable, but moving out is much more of a learning experience. Paying household bills you've racked up, learning how to clean up after your own rubbish without a squadron of maids, even cooking your own meals are lesson well learned far from home. So many young people claim they are the masters of their own destiny but fuss when the maid doesn't turn the hot water on. Perhaps, the best lesson one can learn in this life is that Nanay and Tatay are not always there to pick up after you. Living on your own will teach you that in ways no textbook can and will equip you better for the time when you start a family.


7. EXORCISE YOUR GHOST - during your 20s, it's okay to blame your anger on deprived childhood, cruel friends and traitorous boyfriends. During your 30s, the same excuses sound pretty lame. At some point or another, you will have to be responsible for your own actions. So your parents broke up? So one of your boyfriends jilted you for your friend? So bloody what? Using these creaky skeletons as scapegoats for a miserable existence hardly counts as looking forward.


Do you have a friend who can't forget her break-up? Did it scar her for life? Probably, since she can't seem to stop talking about it. Get rid of those ghosts that have stubbornly hung over you. They have no place in your tomorrows except as references to periods in your life. Turning 30 means moving on, not pestering with old grievances.

Strive to have the capacity to overcome grief and carry on.

And carrying on is only the start. Better things are yet to come – just wait until you're 40.

Any additional things to do you might want to add? 

Power Shift – Forget Trying Hard

My insecurity activated my doubt and began to wonder why I was here. The internal dialogue kicked-in as I began to convinced myself I should stop being on this situation, on this battle against my own self and cut these series of wrong decisions.

I was listening to myself and realize the enormity of my faults.

I asked myself why I was here and what did I want to create or make happen. Am I on the wrong job, in wrong relationship, in a wrong track? As I wait for the answers, I felt tired.

I am riding the sick-cycle-carousel again – it is killing an important part of me, slowly… slowly, until all is gone, inflicting the terrible pain after the fun.

Luckily I got the answer – FORGET TRYING HARD : this will allow life to shift around me.

What I allow myself to focus on is what I tend to see transpire in my life. Therefore the question I must continuously ask myself is, "do I want more of this in my
life? -- if the answer which comes back to me is anything short of an resounding "YES!" then I need to shift my thinking to focus more on what I do want to see happen in my life.

Awareness and knowing when my thoughts are no longer serving to move me in the direction of the goals I have set for myself is an important part of getting back into alignment, back to the place & doing those ongoing actions which are required of me to see my dreams through to completion.

Ang Balintataw ni Inday

Eto may update kay INDAY... SA DULO NG KANLING CONVERSATIONAL MATUTUWA KA SA SINAPIT NILA......... Check the bottom part!!!

BWAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAA, galing mag inglis ni Inday..

Dahil sa tindi ng kahirapan sa probinsya, namasukan si Inday bilang katulong sa Maynila. Habang ini-interview ng amo...

Amo: Kelangan namin ng katulong para mag ayos ng bahay, magluto,maglaba, magplantsa, mamalengke, at magbantay ng mga bata. Kaya mo ba ang lahat ng ito?

Inday: I believe that my trained skills and expertise in management with the use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will contribute significantly to the value of the work that you want, my creativity, productivity and work-efficiency and the high quality of outcomes I can offer will boost the work progress.

Amo : [nosebleed]

Nakaraan ang dalawang araw, umuwi ang amo, nakitang me bukol si junior.

Amo: Bakit me bukol si junior?

Inday: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy's cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.

Amo: [nosebleed ulit]

Kinagabihan, habang naghahapunan.

Amo: Bakit maalat ang ulam?

Inday: The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium chloride (NaCl) affected the taste drastically and those actions are
irreversible. I do apologize.

Amo: [nosebleed na naman]

Donya: Bakit tuwing paguwi ko, nadadatnan kitang nanunuod ng tv?!

Inday: Because I don't want you to see me doing absolutely nothing.

Donya: [hinimatay]

Kinabukasan, sinamahan ni Inday si junior sa principal's office dahil di makapunta ang amo at donya.

Princi pal: Sinuntok ni junior ang kanyang kaklase.

Inday: It's absurd! It was never a fact that he will inflict a fight. I can only imagine how you handle schizophre nic kids on this educational institution. Revise your policies because they suck!

Principal: [nag resign]

Pag dating sa bahay, nandun na ang amo, galit na galit.

Amo: Inday, bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!


Inday: A change in the weather patterns might have occurred wrecking havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris are scattered indicates that the gust of wind was
going northeast causing damage to the path it was heading for.

Amo: [nosebleed ulit]

Habang nagluluto si Inday ng hapunan,malikot si junior.

Inday : Stop your raucous behavior. It is bound to result in property damages and if that happens there will be corresponding punishment to be inflicted upon you!

Junior: [takbo sa CR, punasan ang nagdudugong ilong]

Pa gkatapos magluto, nanood na ng TV si Inday. Nabalitaan nya umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA 7.

Junior: Bakit kaya sya umalis?

Inday: Sometimes, people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know that things will get worse if they'll stay. Leaving can be a tough act, and it's harder when people can't understand you for doing so.

Junior: [tuloy ang pagdugo ng ilong]

Nung gabing yon, me nag text ke Inday. Si Dodong, ang driver ng kapitbahay, gusto maki pag text-mate.

In day: To forestall further hopes of acquaintance, my unfathomable statement to the denial of your request - Petition denied.

Di nagla-on, dahil sa tyaga ni Dodong, nagging syota nya rin si Inday. Pero di tumagal ang kanilang relasyon,at nakipag-break si Inday ke Dodong.

Inday: The statute restricts me to love you but you have the provocations. The way you smile is the proximate cause why I love you. We have some rules to think of. We
have no vested rights to love each other because the upper household dismissed my petition!"


Dodong : Perhaps you are mistaken, what you seem to contrive as any affections for you are somewhat half-hearted. I was merely attempting to expand my network of interests by involving you in my daily recreation. Heretofor, you can expect an end to any verbal articulation from myself"

Me dumaan na mamang basurero, at narinig ang usapan ni Inday at Dodong.

Basurero (sabi ke Inday): Be careful in letting go of the things you thought are just nothing because maybe someday you'll realize that the one you gave away is the very thing you've been wishing for to stay.

******** ITO NA UNG UPDATE *********
Eto may update kay INDAY... SA DULO NG KANILANG CONVERSATIONAL MATUTUWA
KA SA SINAPIT NILA.........

Narinig ang lahat ng amo ni inday.

Amo: Mula ngayon, walang magsasalita ng ingles, sinumang magpadugo ng ilong
ko at sa anak ko, palalayasin sa pamamahay na ito.

Inday: Ang namutawi sa inyong labi ay mataman ko pong iimbak sa sulok ng
aking balintataw, kaibuturan ng aking puso, gugunam- gunamin. Sakbibi ng
madlang lumbay kung mapapaalis sa gunita yaring tinuran.

Amo: Leche, di kami sinauna!!! Yung makabago ang gusto ko !!

Inday: Tarush! Pachenes pa tong chorva eklavuboo chuva tabayishki kun
suplandish ...:)

Amo: [ nagpakamatay ]

Being 8 Years Old Again

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again.

• I want to go to Jollibee and think that it's a four star restaurant.
• I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks.
• I want to think Cloud 9 Chocolate bars are better than money because you can eat them.
• I want to lie under a big Santol tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day.
• I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care. All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.
• I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good.
• I want to believe that anything is possible.
• I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.
• I want to live simple again. I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones.
• I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.

So, here's my cellphone and my laptop, my credit card and my ATM cards. I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to find me first, and recite... "Tago-taguan maliwanag ang buwan.. tayo’y maglaro ng tagu-taguan… isa.. dalawa… tatlo”

The Son

A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art. They had everything in their collection, from Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art..

When the Vietnam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only son.

About a month later, just before Christmas, there was a knock at the door. A young man stood at the door with a large package in his hands. He said, 'Sir, you don't know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life... He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the heart and he died instantly. He often talked about you, and your love for art.' The young man held out this package. 'I know this isn't much. I'm not really a great artist, but I think your son would have wanted you to have this.'

The father opened the package. It was a portrait of his son, painted by the young man. He stared in awe at the way the soldier had captured the personality of his son in the painting. The father was so drawn to the eyes that his own eyes welled up with tears. He thanked the young man and offered to pay him for the picture. 'Oh, no sir, I could never repay what your son did for me. It's a gift.' The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every time visitors came to his home he took them to see the portrait of his son before he showed them any of the other great works he had collected.

The man died a few months later. There was to be a great auction of his paintings. Many influential people gathered, excited over seeing the great paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one for their collection. On the platform sat the painting of the son. The auctioneer pounded his gavel. 'We will start the bidding with this picture of the son. Who will bid for this picture?'

There was silence.

Then a voice in the back of the room shouted, 'We want to see the famous paintings. Skip this one.' But the auctioneer persisted. 'Will somebody bid for this painting? Who will start the bidding? $100, $200?'

Another voice angrily. 'We didn't come to see this painting. We came to see the Van Gogh's, the Rembrandts. Get on with the

Real bids!' But still the auctioneer continued.

'The son! The son! Who'll take the son?'

Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room It was the longtime gardener of the man and his son. 'I'll give $10 for the painting..' Being a poor man, it was all he could afford.

'We have $10, who will bid $20?' 'Give it to him for $10. Let's see the masters.' The crowd was becoming angry. They didn't want the picture of the son. They wanted the more worthy investments for their collections. The auctioneer pounded the gavel. 'Going once, twice, SOLD for $10!' A man sitting on the second row shouted, 'Now let's get on with the collection!'

The auctioneer laid down his gavel. 'I'm sorry, the auction is over.'

'What about the paintings?'

'I am sorry... When I was called to conduct this auction, I was told of a secret stipulation in the will. I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation until this time. Only the painting of the son would be auctioned. Whoever bought that painting would inherit the entire estate, including the paintings.

The man who took the son gets everything!'

God gave His son 2,000 years ago to die on the cross. Much like the auctioneer, His message today is: 'The son, the son, who'll take the son?'

Because, you see, whoever takes the Son gets everything.

FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD HE GAVE HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON, WHO SO EVER BELIEVETH, SHALL HAVE ETERNAL LIFE...THAT'S LOVE

Happy Friday the 13th

No time to do lengthy blogpost today so I will just get a few thoughts and quick notes.

Last night, Ricky Boy Baboy, my old buddy just disembarked and invited us for dinner at Kenny Rogers – I’m so full I can’t move. After dinner, Ricky Boy Baboy and me decided to hang out in Migs Migs again to catch up and have few bottles of beer, got hyped-up and transferred to another bar with “for-the-boys-entertainment.”

Today, I forced myself to wake up because I have to attend a workshop on English grammar-review-email-etiquette-whatever. It turned out to be a nice break on my freaking office routine and I’m amazed I can’t answer this question on proper use of preposition: [Question No. 5: The plane landed (to, on, in) the runway.]

Anyway, as Sir Bob said, correct use of grammar in written and spoken English is only a skill and not a measure of intelligence – most call center agents I know believe otherwise.

I can’t still force myself to wake up early even if I’m on the brink of a one-week suspension due to tardiness – like a lazy dog slumbering and drooling in summer. Huh, wake me up please.

Today is Friday the 13th so I googled something about it and got this:

The fear of Friday the 13th is called paraskavedekatriaphobia, a word derived from the concatenation of the Greek words Paraskeví (Παρασκευή) (meaning Friday), and dekatreís (δεκατρείς) (meaning thirteen), attached to phobía (φοβία) (meaning fear). This is a specialized form of triskaidekaphobia, a simple phobia (fear) of the number thirteen, and is also known as friggatriskaidekaphobia. The term triskaidekaphobia was derived in 1911 and first appeared in a mainstream source in 1953.

Happy Friday the 13th!!

Insigne

I'm bored so I tried typing "INSIGNE"- my surname in Google and I found this. I wonder how a Latin surname reached Mindoro. Huh, cute stuff.

in·sig·ni·a (n-sgn-) also in·sig·ne (-n)

n. pl. insignia or in·sig·ni·as

1. A badge of office, rank, membership, or nationality; an emblem.

2. A distinguishing sign.

---

[Latin nsignia, pl. of nsigne, badge of office, mark, from neuter of nsignis, distinguished, marked : in-, in; see in-² + signum, sign; see sek^w-¹ in Indo-European roots.]

Usage Note: Insignia in Latin is the plural form of insigne, but it has long been used in English as both a singular and a plural form: The insignia was visible on the wingtip. There are five insignia on various parts of the plane. From the singular use of insignia comes the plural insignias, which is also acceptable.

The Latin singular insigne is rare and may strike some readers as pedantic.

Source:
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/insigne

Where’s Ely? E-heads - The Final Set Concert

Last Saturday after my MIT class, I drag myself to Mall of Asia to watch the Eraserheads Reunion Concert. It starts at 8 pm and we entered the open field at around 8:15 – die-hard fans are already at the area as early as 3:00 pm, so it’s like there was no room for us anymore. We tried to squeeze ourselves into the crowd to get a view of, hmmm, just the wide screen for a 300-peso ticket - got pushed and we push back, got soaked with sweat, practically eat dust and almost died of suffocation. We tried but sadly didn’t make it to get a good view, towering Smart tents and stinking portalets are blocking the screen. So we decided to settle in at the gate area under an unknown tree together with all those bored looking students and a lot of dating couples, hugging and touching like it was a valentine concert.

This is just my personal opinion – the concert lacks the pumping energy I’m expecting. It is not because we don’t have a good view of the stage – but maybe because of the boring 30-minute commercial break or maybe because I’m still suffering from last night’s hang-over or maybe Ely is sick. I don’t know but the concert lacks spontaneity. Thanks to the fireworks!



Hey look at this guy, he paid 300 bucks just to sleep in Eheads concert, har har.. nice trip.

Siyempre papatalo ba naman kami. May sarili din kaming trip, eto o… we he he.

Beating the Heat at Bosay

The sun is angry again. After the unusually cold January and February, which was really nice, terrible afternoon heat waves are now visible on the streets like tiny transparent worms eagerly rising to reach the clouds. The mighty sun is determined to burn Metro Manila once again, like last year’s terrible summer. Bored, stressed and suffocated by summer heat – this is a perfect time for a resort gig. We checked out the Bosay Resort in Antipolo last Friday night after work. Set in Antipolo highland, the resort has a natural tranquility and laid back atmosphere. Videoke is up until 12:00 midnight only, a little “kill-joy” policy but it’s good somehow. Worth mentioning is our hand-made fresh salad for dinner and for pulutan. What made it especial? Well, just look at the pictures. He he he.
Here are some of my Kulit moments...

Keep Walking

Just finished doing my final report for my MIT-597 Artificial Intelligence class about Hybrid Expert System, CLOS, Facets, Demons and other mind boggling whatever. Damn it! I already spent hours trying to understand this 20-page report but I just can’t get the basic idea behind it.

I felt like a moron trying to learn some alien language, and worse I have to make a class presentation out of this topics. I googled it, but it just get more complicated - too technical stuff.

So, I just copy & paste some basics on powepoint slides hoping that nobody will ask questions during my presentation.

Also, I have to submit my accomplishment report for Proj.Dev. - OMG I haven’t started a single page yet. Working under pressure again – lazy yodz: on hibernation mode.

This is Grad. School – you’re always on your own, everybody is minding their own business. Missing my college buddies eh – always ready to help whatever it takes. Hi there CoET guys!

I definitely needed some re-organization. I’m losing something and I must immediately cut that hedge that’s blocking my goals: procrastination, over-analyzing, relationship crap and paying attention to time-wasters.

I must keep my eyes fixed on my goals. Zig ziglar said, “It was character that got us out of bed, commitment that moved us into action, and discipline that enabled us to follow through.”

Discipline, Character, Commitment, Action, Follow-through : All beautiful and inspiring words – easier said than done.

But I must keep walking.

Forward, always forward.

What Gender is a Computer?

A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. Things like 'chalk' or 'pencil,' she described, would have a gender association although in English these words were neutral. Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked, "What gender is a computer?" The teacher wasn't certain which it was, and so divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. One group was composed of the women in the class, and the other, of men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you might have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
______________________________________
Source: http://www.funnyhumor.com/jokes/559.php

A Sigh for A Sigh

I want my coffee served black this time and that quaint coffee shop served it right – the waitress gracefully placing it in front of me wearing a cute smile, always fearsomely efficient.

I like it when they served it a few minutes late, on purpose: a little delay to smell the café’s air - rich with coffee aroma, study the animated crowd and feel the ambiance before you get that first sip. A craving-agony trick that works well with me.

“Since when you become a black coffee guy? Getting old and bored eh? ” he said to break my deep rumination.

“I don’t know, I seem to love bitter things nowadays.” I replied without thinking, hoping that he will not follow up on that remark. To cut it off I asked him “So, how’s Maya?”

“She’s fine. We’re having problems like normal couple but we’re good.” He said with finality, also hoping that I will not dig on that.

“So when are you planning to settle down? Not yet tired of that bachelor wandering of yours?”

“I’m still enjoying it, I guess.”

“I came across that bloody blog of yours. As usual you’re still fooling yourself. Forcing yourself to be in-love – that thing you don’t believe in. Where’s that philosophy of yours that love is just a state of mind? That “logic-based thinking” you’re always insisting? And for crying out loud bro, what’s that love-at-first-sight thank-you-for-the-smile telenovela of yours! It’s not you, and it’s horseshit bro!”

“Ahh, that damn blog. I should delete it I guess - catching lot of inquiries. Well, things change. I am still human you know, also entitled to those crazy torpe feelings, and bro, you know that if I don’t write, I will explode.”

“Yeah I know, so, have you started writing that book? That was since our college days pa di ba?”

“I got stuck on this I.T. thing you know – have to force myself to it. I’m one of those unlucky son of a farmer, who doesn’t have much choice in choosing their profession. You know I love social sciences or psych: well that’s a different story. About that book, hmm, well instead of doing my spiritual walk, I ride that sick-cycle carousel, I know you know what I mean. And that crazy blog, well yeah, maybe I’m just forcing myself to that “fucking love” thing.”

“Hey bro, haven’t you learn your lesson? Look what happened to you and P_ _?

“Ah, that’s a different set-up, and a totally different story. It left my senses bleeding but it ends well. Learned a lot of lesson you know. ”

“O, c’mmon, my friend, it’s the same with that Ms. Kulet. I’m telling you, everytime you do that, you lose some part of you. You should leave high school bro, this is now the real thing. Grow up! You cannot spread yourself too thin. If you open up your heart to somebody, you should face the consequences. If you really love that Lady Vader, be bold enough and say it, but be ready with the consequences because by doing that, you’re definitely disturbing the serenity of things, the balance of the force, as you may put it, - and search your heart deeply before doing that, because you might end up with a “Tin-Tin tragedy” again. Maybe it is just a feeling you created. Just don’t force yourself and your heart. Someday, your mind and your heart will speak to you as one – and that is love, whispering to you. And stop fooling around goddamn it! – it will only make your mind noisy.”

“Amen to that, Master Yoda,” I replied with a squeezed heart, hurting, coz I’m reminded of that Tin-tin affair again. I tried to hide it, which I know I failed.

“You’re right bud, maybe I’m just a little stressed, you know I’m having set-backs regarding my studies, but that is not an excuse for this confusion.” I gave a deep sigh after saying that.

“Have to go now, bro. Chill out. I hope next time you will talk about those grand dream of yours - those photography and yoga class and that goddamn book man.. start writing it you bastard!” he got up and pat my shoulder.

“Thanks for dropping by bro. I still owe you a couple of beer.”

I saw myself alone, holding my half-finished coffee, now cold and lifeless. I totally lose my interest on it but I kept holding it, catching my breath with lines of sadness, like a sad Enya song, where the refrain comes like a sigh at the end of a regret.

I stayed for a couple of minutes, wondering and contemplating on the infractions of hearts that always veiled its enormity to the eyes of those who seek it. I am inclined to think that my own disposition must be naturally bad, or I could be guilty of such an enormity at so matured an age.

I do not care by the blows of life’s fist at my heart, but I do weep at being torn into pieces by these knives held by my own hands.

I know their hearts is giving me sigh for a sigh.