Kilala mo ba si Dan Torres ng Bikol?

Si　Danilo "Dan" Torres, isang Bicolano, nagpunta sa　US　para mag TNT.

Pumasok sya ng convenience store para bumili ng yosi.
Pagdating sa counter, sabi ng cashier, "MASTER VISA?"

Namutla si Dan! Sa isip-isip nya "Patay!
Hinahanap ang visa ko!"

Dali-daling lumabas ng tindahan, sumakay ng kotse　at humarurot ng takbo. Paubos na gasolina nya kaya pumasok sa gas station at magpapakarga ng gasolina.

"Unleaded?"tanong ng gasoline attendant.
"Unleaded"sagot niDan.
"Pay first."sabi ng attendant.

Lalong namutla si Dan! "Patay! Hinahanapan ako ng　papers!"
Iniwan nya ang kotse!
at dali-daling?naglakad
papunta sa phonebooth upang tawagan ang kapatid nya sa　New York

"AT&T May I help you?"sagot ng operator.
Pinagpawisan ng malamig si Dan! "Pati operator
alam na TNT ako!"

May nakapilang PULIS na gagamit din ng telepono at tanong sa kanya... "
Are you done?"

Napatitig na lang si Dan sa PULIS! "Kilala siya...
AKO? Alam niyang DAN ang pangalan ko!"

sa isip-isip nya. Nang di makasagot si Dan,tinanong uli sya ngPULIS,
"Are you a tourist?"

Nanghina si Dan dahil pati apelyido niyang TORRES ay alam din ng PULIS!
At nang hihimatayin na sya, inalalayan sya ng
PULIS at sabi "BE COOL!"

"Inang ko po! Alam din nyang taga Bicol ako!

WAAAHHHH!

Uuwi na lang ako sa 'pinas!"

Temporarily Losing My Soul

To escape with our daily routine during weekends, (that is eat-tambay-wash clothes-eat-tambay), me and my office buddies decided to have a little gig at E.K. Our aim is to defrost our sleeping nerves - frozen by work stress and boredom - via Enchanted Kingdom's nerve-wracking rides. It is an unplanned trip but well organized - hmmm I noticed that unplanned barkada trip is usually a hassle-free one. We decided renting an FX and bring our own food because stomach stuff inside the park can eat up your whole two-month's budget.

Weather is a little bit crazy that morning. While we are on our way to E.K., dark clouds hung above us, a rain-whole-day omen. It started pouring while we are on our way to the park and we are already discussing some alternatives like going to Tagaytay instead. We are willing to do a space shuttle ride even if it’s raining – which is of course a little bit life threatening – thus, we decided to go and take our chances. We think that, perhaps we can perform a little stop-the-rain tribal ritual dance for some ethnic rain-god so as not to ruin our plans.

But, yeah since the weather is a little bit crazy and confused that day, it decided to just leave us alone before we do some nasty tribal dance. I think the rain-god prefers to just leave us than see us perform the ritual dance or else she will give us a super-typhoon.

We had our lunch in the parking area and immediately started our spree. We are all frantic and excited. A ride-all-you-can ticket gives us the adrenaline rush which is evident in our faces. There’s no stopping us… even the rain-god.

And there comes the nerve wracking, soul splitting space shuttle ride. My physical body badly wants that ride, but I felt my soul is angrily refusing it. Despite that, I took the ride - three times. In the first two rides, my soul just temporarily left me. During the third space shuttle ride, I felt like I totally lost my soul.

We end up drained and exhausted but there’s that lingering smile in all of us .I got a dreamless sleep that night and woke up still wearing that wolfish grin . Overjoyed as Jo-ann puts it.

To my soul… I’m sorry.

HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... .leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

Life is the Coffee

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. The conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and in life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said:
"If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.

"What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and were eyeing each other's cups.

Now consider this: Life is the coffee and the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and do not change the quality of Life. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided. So, don't let the cups drive you ... enjoy the coffee instead."

______________________

Source: forwarded e-mail (unknown)

Ang Alamat Kung Bakit Nagsisinungaling ang mga Lalaki

Ito ang alamat kung bakit nagsi-sinungaling ang mga lalaki.. .
Karpintero itong si Yodz at isang araw eh gumagawa siya ng isang
bahay sa tabi ng ilog.Sa lakas ng pagma-martilyo niya eh nalaglag
ang martilyo niya sa ilog.

Umiyak siya at lumitaw yung guardian angel niya, "tutulungan kita, Yodz".. .sabay lundag sa ilog.

Lumabas ito na me hawak na gold hammer, "ito ba ang martilyo mo?" ...
"hindi po"...
Lundag uli ang anghel at lumitaw na me silver hammer, "it ba?"..."hindi po"...
Lundag uli sa ilog ang anghel at lumitaw na me ordinary hammer, "ito ba?"..."
Opo" ...natuwa ang anghel. "Dahil honest ka, bukod sa martilyo mo, sa 'yo na rin ang gold and silver hammer"...

Makaraan ang ilang araw, naglalakad si Yodz sa ilog at kasama ang misis niya. Eh sa katangahan, nalaglag si misis sa ilog...iyak si Jojo.

Litaw si guardian angel, "tutulungan kita"...sabay lundag sa ilog at ng lumitaw eh kasama si Paris Hilton, "ito ba ang misis mo?"...sagot
si Yodz, "opo"...nagalit si anghel, "sinungaling ka. Akala ko pa naman mabait ka"...

Nag- reason-out si Yodz, "sorry po, angel...kasi kapag sinabi kong 'Hindi', eh lulundag ka uli sa tubig at pag-litaw mo eh kasama mo si Jessica Simpson.

At pag sinabi ko uli na hindi siya ang asawa ko, eh lulundag ka uli at ang tunay na misis ko na ang kasama mo. At dahil sa kabaitan ko, eh ibibigay mo din sa akin sina Paris at Jessica.

Mahirap lang po ako at hindi ko kaya ang me tatlong asawa, kaya 'Yes' na lang ang sinagot ko nung una.

Moral of the story: kaya lang naman nagsi-sinungaling ang mga lalaki
Eh for a good and noble reason.

Deviant and Free

Just trying some art stuff. Scrapblog, really cool. You should try it.

Pleasures of Small Town Life

Our town in Occidental Mindoro is a quaint, charming, friendly and happy place opposite with city life. I went there last October 31, 2008 to attend my father’s 60th birthday and also in time for the holidays in observance of Todos Los Santos.

Life there is really very simple, a perfect example of barrio lifestyle. Electricity is only available at 1:00 in the afternoon until 12:00 midnight, so you really have plenty of time talking to your family or visiting friends or relatives. Average TV watching is only 1 hour per day. Really nice because I hate television by the way, which I will explain in a separate blog.

A few blocks from our house, on the east-side is a beautiful beach and on the west, just a bicycle ride away, is a really fabulous mountain river – the Calawagan Mountain Resort.

Simple pleasures, such as waking up on the sounds of chirping birds and backyard chickens and lazily wait for the water to boil in the kitchen to have some kapeng barako with tuyo for breakfast. I see how the sun rises over the mountain, how the maya and other colorful birds soar across the sky, whether it is clear or cloudy day. Then, on the afternoon, I will look for my father’s bolo to have some fresh buko juice to chill-out on a hot summer afternoon.


Before the sun sets, I will walk on the beach barefoot, play with the sand and will take a dive on the clear salty water afterwards. I will swim as far as I can, while watching the sun, dreamily setting and painting the sky with magnificent luminous hue of red, orange and blue. I will just sigh in awe, watch the setting sun and enjoy the day.




And of course, my favorite place – the Calawagan Mountain Resort. The water there is really very cold, perfect to avoid the hot summer afternoon. The water is very clean. It even got an award as the Philippines cleanest inland body of water a few years ago. On its clear water, under the solid rocks and pebbles are small marine species such various species of shrimps, snails and fishes – signs of a healthy and natural river.

The only emergency that you will hear is, after palay harvest, when there are dark clouds hanging over Mt. Calavite, signaling a coming rain. Somebody will shout “Hoy, iurong nyo na yang palay, may dilim!” Next is the frantic commotion on the street, with people holding kalaykay, pansudsod and sako to save their precious harvest from the rain. My town folks are normally using the public street for drying palay after the harvest season.

To all my kababayans, let us celebrate the simple pleasures that come from living in our town.
_____________________
More about my town on www.tarangkahan.bravehost.com , a website I made dedicated to our town.
History of our town on : http://occidentalmindorohistory.googlepages.com/historypaluan