Orgasm

I am currently reading the book “No Ordinary Moments” by Dan Millman and came across one section which I think worth sharing. It is a section about the primary gateways of stress release, which includes orgasm.   

Orgasm serves as a universal and relatively benign method of tension release, through masturbation, sex with a partner or spontaneously, as in nocturnal emissions (“wet dreams”). As an inherent biological drive to help ensure continuation of the species, orgasm can be distinguished from higher motives of love, affection or intimacy – we can, and often do, achieve orgasm without any of these higher motives. Mutually consenting adults can and do engage in uncommitted “sports sex” – having orgasms, then going their separate ways. However, the highest form of sexual intimacy includes both love and desire.

As with the other gateways, sexuality only becomes problematic when it becomes compulsive or addictive – when we abuse it rather than use it. Those who become addicted to orgasm pursue a variety of means to achieve it and tend to use partners or themselves as sex objects in order to release tension.

In today’s world, indiscriminate, promiscuous, unprotected sexual relations have become a high-risk behavior with serious even fatal consequences – not to mention the emotional turmoil related to the regret, deceit, and insecurity that sometimes accompany affairs.

For those without a partner, masturbation is recommended as a means of managing our sexual-creative energies. A near universal practice, masturbation provides an accessible gateway of release with no emotional strings attached. Masturbation seems preferable to deceitful, loveless, and compulsive sexual encounters that risk disease, pregnancy, or one-sided emotional entanglements. Masturbation also helps resolve, in a simple and harmless way, different levels of sexual desire in a relationship; if our partner is not interested or available when we desire orgasm, we can masturbate to relieve the sexual tension.

By definition, however, masturbation does not involve relationship with anyone else; it involves no circuit of energy exchange, vulnerability or intimacy. Those who are addicted to this particular gateway even though a partner is available may want to re-examine the level of openness and communication in their relationship, and to explore deeper levels of sexual intimacy.

The fewer internal obstructions we have, the less compelling our need for orgasm. With less need, we have more to give, which enhances the intimacy of our sexual relationship. Reduced pressure for orgasm is quite different, however, from inhibited drives, sexual blocks or repression, or guilt driven attempts at celibacy, which may signal a need to seek professional help.

Source: Millman, Dan. 1992. No Ordinary Moments: A Peaceful Warrior’s Guide to Daily Life. California, USA:H. J. Kramer Inc. p. 68-69