I Shot the Messenger

A colleague in the graduate school commented on my post in our yahoo group forum saying that my sentence structure sucks. It’s already a long thread about a topic in our A.I. class – an informative technical exchange of inquiries suddenly interrupted by an English grammar purist. I pointed out that it is an informal forum – correct punctuation, capitalization and grammar was not important. An exchange of foul words ensued; a useless fight of intellect.

I re-checked my forum posts and realized that it’s true – my sentence structure sucks with wrong tenses here and there. Instead of admitting that I am not that good in English grammar, I angrily confronted him.

I wasted a lot of energy in trying to prove my point – and it’s not worth it. I realized that if I can’t admit my faults or face the things that embarrass me, or if I can’t tell the truth about myself, I will have a very difficult time when someone else brings these things to my attention. I often won’t accept the feedback, in trying to protect any false perception of myself. I am always defensive and reactive toward those people who are criticizing me – even if they are correct. I judged them as being mean; I even leave a relationship because somebody told me something that was true but too difficult for me to hear because of pride.

We always shoot the messenger, the bearer of truth: a fat lady shouts at somebody saying she’s fat, a driver gets mad at a passenger saying he doesn’t know how to drive, a man stop talking to a friend who said he’s a kalbong panot (bald), a videoke fanatic go berserk at somebody who said he sound like a basag na kaldero (out of tune).

Lesson: I have to accept truthful feedback without “shooting the messenger,” In this way, I will be free from having to defend myself. It will help me in accepting who I am, my weaknesses and imperfections, and improve on the important parts I have been trying to deny.

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P.S. Committing wrong grammar in the Philippines is a crime for the English Language purists, hence I'm still trying to improve on my grammar and composition. Please bear with me.

Any same experience or thoughts you want to share in the comments section? I promise I will not shoot you.
Thank you for reading!