How to teach your child about sex

Orgasm

I am currently reading the book “No Ordinary Moments” by Dan Millman and came across one section which I think worth sharing. It is a section about the primary gateways of stress release, which includes orgasm.   

Orgasm serves as a universal and relatively benign method of tension release, through masturbation, sex with a partner or spontaneously, as in nocturnal emissions (“wet dreams”). As an inherent biological drive to help ensure continuation of the species, orgasm can be distinguished from higher motives of love, affection or intimacy – we can, and often do, achieve orgasm without any of these higher motives. Mutually consenting adults can and do engage in uncommitted “sports sex” – having orgasms, then going their separate ways. However, the highest form of sexual intimacy includes both love and desire.

As with the other gateways, sexuality only becomes problematic when it becomes compulsive or addictive – when we abuse it rather than use it. Those who become addicted to orgasm pursue a variety of means to achieve it and tend to use partners or themselves as sex objects in order to release tension.

In today’s world, indiscriminate, promiscuous, unprotected sexual relations have become a high-risk behavior with serious even fatal consequences – not to mention the emotional turmoil related to the regret, deceit, and insecurity that sometimes accompany affairs.

For those without a partner, masturbation is recommended as a means of managing our sexual-creative energies. A near universal practice, masturbation provides an accessible gateway of release with no emotional strings attached. Masturbation seems preferable to deceitful, loveless, and compulsive sexual encounters that risk disease, pregnancy, or one-sided emotional entanglements. Masturbation also helps resolve, in a simple and harmless way, different levels of sexual desire in a relationship; if our partner is not interested or available when we desire orgasm, we can masturbate to relieve the sexual tension.

By definition, however, masturbation does not involve relationship with anyone else; it involves no circuit of energy exchange, vulnerability or intimacy. Those who are addicted to this particular gateway even though a partner is available may want to re-examine the level of openness and communication in their relationship, and to explore deeper levels of sexual intimacy.

The fewer internal obstructions we have, the less compelling our need for orgasm. With less need, we have more to give, which enhances the intimacy of our sexual relationship. Reduced pressure for orgasm is quite different, however, from inhibited drives, sexual blocks or repression, or guilt driven attempts at celibacy, which may signal a need to seek professional help.

Source: Millman, Dan. 1992. No Ordinary Moments: A Peaceful Warrior’s Guide to Daily Life. California, USA:H. J. Kramer Inc. p. 68-69 

Are you still a virgin? What kind?

“Are you still a virgin?” the boy wearing white uniform asked his girl classmate beside him naughtily smiling.

“Of course, yes,” snapped the girl in a lowered voice, ashamed that other MRT passengers might hear her. But I did. I was minding my own business, but I heard their conversation and became interested.

The boy mockingly said, “Wag mo nga akong gaguhin, virgin? Baka yang ilong mo na lang ang di nagagalaw!” (don’t fool me, virgin? Maybe your nose is the only one left untouched!”) They giggled and turned their conversation into a whisper, seeing that I am smiling too.

My mind flooded by our lunchtime sex related talks in our office. Sex topics never fail to amuse us.

Virginity in this day and age is subject to interpretation and the question “are you still a virgin?” is often followed by the answer “what kind?” referring to whether you already experienced oral sex, anal sex, “finger” sex, vaginal sex or sex of all kinds. What “sex” is now? Is it just penetrative sex? The concept of virginity itself has become quite obscured among us, especially to teenagers.

Girlfriend-boyfriend relationship was previously called “steady,” then became either “on” or not. Now it was replaced by “special friends,” “friends with benefits” and FUBU or “fuck buddies.” Sexual norms is rapidly changing and “Maria Clara” image is dead. I believe that education plays a vital role to combat loose morals.

Sex is usually never discussed in Filipino homes and the youth get their information from their peers, the internet and magazines. First-time sex happens in unsupervised homes. Let’s accept it. Pornography is easily accessible nowadays – DVD’s in Quiapo, it the internet, in magazines and in mobile phones. I believe that education is the key but the DepEd’s plan to integrate sex education in the elementary level was shelved because of the strong opposition from the highly political Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines. Some priests nowadays are corrupted by stinking Philippine politics. Catholicism in the Philippines is becoming the prime mover of backward progress.

The world now has become so much more complicated. We are more independent on matters of courtship, marriage and sex.

Are we just having open minds or loose morals?

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Image Source: Joan Semmel. Sunlight, 1978.