16 Funny Things To Ponder About Living in the 21st Century

 1.  The one thing that unites all human beings on the internet, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside we ALL hope that our friends/network will click that "Like" button on our Facebook status.. 

2. There is a very fine line between “Facebook,” "Twitter" and “mental illness.” 

3. The most powerful force in the internet and the whole universe, is gossip. 

4. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one Filipino policeman who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that policeman is crazy. 

5. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she’s gaining weight. 

6. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why your company has not achieved, and never will achieve, its goals, targets or implement plans for salary increase, that word would be “meetings.” 

7. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests and rallies is to annoy people who are not in them. 

8. If God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will NOT use, as His messenger, that guy on IBC 13, wearing red suit with fake smile who wants to be Philippine President. 

9. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 

10. You should not confuse your LIFE with career and money. 

11. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the fastfood waiters and salesladies, is not a nice person. 

12. Your friends love you, don't doubt that. 

13. Friends come and go, that's normal. If your enemies is accumulating - that's abnormal

14. Nobody cares if you can’t sing well in a videoke bar. Just get up and sing.. 

15. The battle of the sexes ended a few decades ago, too many already betrayed their own and joined the other side. 

16. A man usually feels better after a few winks, especially if she winks back.

Comments, Thoughts? Any additional points to ponder you might want to add?

Ang Bading na Bubuyog » The Tragic Love Story of McDonald and Jollibee

My hang-over was extended up until last night. I thought I could sleep early but I can’t. That tiny headache inside my head was soooo annoying. So, I thought of ordering a double cheeseburger from McDo, hmmm no, I think I’ll have chicken-spaghetti with macaroni soup from Jollibee. But wait.. I think a cheeseburger will do. 

Damn! I can’t decide!
Maybe this is the effect of always having a Jollibee outlet just a few meters away from every McDo outlet. Their war is getting into my nerve!  

Frustrated, I grabbed my laptop and googled Jollibee and McDo to check their menu. However, I ended up reading articles about Jollibee and McDonald’s battle for market supremacy, myths about fastfood, hilarious McDonald’s parodies and how Jollibee stings McDonald’s in the Philippines.

I enjoyed some funny pictures and decided making a comic strip out of it. Maybe it will help me get sleepy. BTW, I end up eating pancit canton.

Here’s the story I made. Please drop a few notes on the comments section if you like it. 

Ang Bading na Bubuyog » The Tragic Love Story of McDonald and Jollibee (Komiks)

WAKAS

Naughty Confessions » The Memory of Our “First Time”

As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put me off for a while searching for an excuse, but I refuse to be swayed as I approached you.

I asked if you’re afraid and you shake your head bravely. I had other experiences, but it’s the first time my finger has found the right place.


I probe deeply and you shiver-your body tenses, but I tried to be gentle like I’d promised.

I look deeply within your eyes and tell you to trust me. I’ve done this before, although not to a “first-timer” like you, but I assured you it is the same.

My cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give me more room for an ease entrance. You begin to plead and beg me to hurry, but I slowly take my time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As I press closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as I continue. I look at you, concerned , and ask you if it’s too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for me to go on. I begin to go in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel me within you.

After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and I pull it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. I look at you, smiling warmly, telling you, with a chuckle, that you have been my most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thanked me. After all, it was your first time to have your tooth pulled by a non-dentist.

Naughty, Naughty!

Hmmm, excuse me... What were you thinking?

Do You Like Dog?

DO NOT CLICK THE RED BUTTON!

OK, did I somehow solve your boredom? After you make it till the end, give me your thoughts on the comments section below.

Sabi ko na nga ba, Masarap at nakakaaliw talaga ang bawal!

What Men Should Never Say After Sex

1) "I was kidding about being sterile, you know."

2) "Do you always fart like that when someone shoves it in?"

3) "How come it's so BIG in there?"

4) "You've done this with a lotta guys before---right?"

5) "Next time I come over, don't bother with the underwear, OK?"

6) (Sniff, sniff) "Is that sea-foods?"

7) (Yelling) "OK guys, it's a wrap, cut, and print it!!"

8) "You are great in bed, but your sister gives better head!"

9) "My first wife was prettier, but you can screw a lot better."

10) "Do you know what a 'douche' is ?"

11) "Maybe if you did some pushups, your boobs would grow.

12) "I want you to try some of MY deodorant."

13) "I'm not into relationships. Can't we just screw, like every Tuesday night or something?"

14) "Maybe if you lost some weight, I could get it all the way in!"

15) "I never saw a girl with hairy tits before !"

16) "I've been getting these little blisters lately-------"

17) "You wanna do those dishes before you leave ?"

18) "You should go wash that, the cabbie will think something DIED in there.

Forrest Gump at the Gates of Heaven

I admit I only got to watch this movie last week (via pirated DVD - shucks, sorry OMB). The movie is really moving. I'm sure you already know the whole Forrest Gump story . 

I'm deleting my old e-mails and by chance I came across this old joke about Forrest Gump. It lighten my boring Saturday so I want to share it with you guys.

Here's the story:

Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself.

However, the gates are closed and Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper.


St. Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven."

Forrest responds, "It shor is good to be here St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever tolt me about any entrance exam. Shor hope the test ain't too hard; life was a big enough test as it was."

St. Peter goes on, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.

First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
Third: What is God's first name?"

Forrest leaves to think the questions over.

He returns the next day and sees St. Peter who waves him up and says, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers."

Forrest says, "Well, the first one- which two days in the week begin With the letter "T"? Shucks, that one's easy. That'd be Today and Tomorrow."

The Saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forrest, that's not what I was thinking, but .....you do have a point, and I guess I didn't specify, so I'll give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?" asks St.Peter. "How many seconds in a year?"

"Now that one's harder," says Forrest, "but I thunk and thunk about that and I guess the only answer can be twelve."

Astounded, St. Peter says, "Twelve? Twelve!? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"

Forest says "Shucks, there's gotta be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd. . ." "Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you're going with this, and see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind..... but I'll have to give you credit for that one, too. Let's go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God's first name"?

"Sure" Forrest replied, "its Andy."

"Andy?!" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter. "Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?"

"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. "I learnt it from school. . . . ANDY NAME OF THE FATHER, OF THE SON?.."

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates and said: "Run Forrest, run!"

Tips for guys who goes shopping against their will

My female friends, girlfriend and my sister sometimes insist that I accompany them on their trips to Department Stores and sometimes in tiangge (thrift shops). Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to make alibis and get out. "Frustrating" as I usually describe it. 

Unfortunately, my female friends and also my sister (like most women) - - loves to browse, and the amazing thing is they have the power to persuade… against my will.

A friend sent me these cool  and funny tips to enjoy shopping with girls which I want to share with you guys:

1. Take 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they are not looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. Approach an employee and tell her in an official voice, 'There’s an emergency in Housewares. Get on it right away!"

5. Go to the Service Desk and try to put a bag of M&M's on the counter.

6. Move the  'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you will invite them in if they will bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk ask if they can help you, began crying and scream, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk where are the antidepressants.

11. Dart around the store, suspiciously, while loudly humming the Mission Impossible theme.

12. In the auto department, practice 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yell 'PICK ME!

14. When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assume a fetal position and scream 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least...

15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door, wait awhile, and then yell very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

Have fun guys!!! Surely these girls will not invite you again against your will.

Any other tips? Please share it on the comments section below.

Eve molested in front of Adam! - Caption it yourself

Here is a picture of mine during our boring company summer outing at La Virginia Resort in Batangas. I don’t know what I was thinking that time, so I put a blank caption so you could give it a shot. Send me your ideas. Post them in the comment box below.

Give me some funny!

How to teach your child about sex

Never Wish for A Longer Dick

I don't know why the "male small dick panic" is still an issue nowadays -- Maybe the advent of sexual consumerist culture is to blame. It is a universal assumption, and I say just an assumption, that men know more or less where they stand relative to their peers when it comes to dick size.

Quick Facts (and of course you already know about this):

Average penis size when flaccid – 4 inches
Average penis size when erect – 5.7 inches

It’s a bit bigger than a gorrilla’s 3-inch erection, but then there’s blue whale, the world’s largest mammal that has, a goddamn ten-foot erection.
Some men worry that dick size matters to women and most women vigorously denied that it doesn’t (but I guess some of them secretly wish it’s bigger) – but as they always say “It’s the performance not the size,” so to improve performance we need more practice -- practice makes perfect right? LOL 

And of course communication is very important -- because men are from Mars and women are from Venus communicating man’s wishes to a woman is sometimes confusing. Look at this:

So, if you’re talking to women, especially about your sexual fantasies, BE VERY SPECIFIC. 

And of course as Lao Tzu said, “Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.”

 

Please share your  thoughts on the comments section.
_______________

Cartoon Source: The Good Fairy 

Contact Yodz for proper cartoon author citation.

Funny Candidates for the Philippine 2010 Election

View more pictures

Philippine Presidentiables 2010
Eddie Villanueva, Noy Noy Aquino, JC de los Reyes, Sen. Jamby Madrigal, Gilberto Teodoro, Joseph Estrada, Sen. Richard Gordon, Manny Villar

Vice Presidentiables 2010
Bayani Fernando, Mar Roxas, Jejomar Binay, Edu Manzano, Loren Legarda, Perfecto Yasay
_________________

I received this funny pictures of politicians via forwarded e-mail - really makes my day, so funny. Just want to share it here. Enjoy!
BTW, I don't have specific candidate in mind yet. Maybe Gibo or Noynoy. I'll decide later. Have a great long weekend! 

This is just for fun and politics is fun right?- no intention to campaign or mock any candidate (Ang pikon talo.)