The victim of my own blind self

Today, before daybreak I had a dream...

I was standing alone, in a solitary waiting-shed. Its roof is rusty and full of holes supported by dilapidated concrete posts, the supporting steel bars are exposed, protruding like broken bones.

It was the only structure in that old one-way highway which seems to be leading nowhere – to eternity I supposed.

I looked at the horizon hoping to see where the highway ends, but it just converged into a tiny dot, unmoving against the dancing dusts on that gloomy day.

I am calmly waiting for the bus. I just stand there motionless, anxiously staring at the other end of the highway, hoping for the bus to come, occasionally looking at the setting sun - or was it rising?… I don’t know.

Then a boy with a backpack, wearing a school uniform suddenly appear as if he just get off a school bus, smiled at me and said, “Tatlong beses ng dumaan yung bus!” [The bus passed by three times already!]
I was shocked because I didn’t saw any.

Then I woke up, drenched with sweat and confused.

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Epilogue

I always admire the patience of the river snails and the tenacity of the cogon grass – qualities that, I believe was the result of a long period of time spent waiting. Hence, I programmed myself to wait.

I always wait; for things as mundane as waiting for the bus, the fastfood queue, for the water to boil, for the heavy rain to fall, for my hair to grow; OR for grand events like the Noche Buena, a perfect relationship, a son, and a final chance to hold those I love…

What if those very important things, I hold most dear and longingly waited for is already here or already passed by, repeatedly presenting itself to me. I just don’t recognize it, refused to recognize it or just plainly ignore it – because ambition, pride or whatever WTF blinded me.

Or maybe because I just don’t really know what I am waiting for. Letting life slip by without noticing the important but very simple details.

Now I know why I always felt I’ve waited long enough – because I am a victim of my own blind self.

Have you ever felt that way too? Or maybe I am just tired and bored.