Naughty Confessions » The Memory of Our “First Time”

As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put me off for a while searching for an excuse, but I refuse to be swayed as I approached you.

I asked if you’re afraid and you shake your head bravely. I had other experiences, but it’s the first time my finger has found the right place.


I probe deeply and you shiver-your body tenses, but I tried to be gentle like I’d promised.

I look deeply within your eyes and tell you to trust me. I’ve done this before, although not to a “first-timer” like you, but I assured you it is the same.

My cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give me more room for an ease entrance. You begin to plead and beg me to hurry, but I slowly take my time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As I press closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as I continue. I look at you, concerned , and ask you if it’s too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for me to go on. I begin to go in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel me within you.

After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and I pull it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. I look at you, smiling warmly, telling you, with a chuckle, that you have been my most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thanked me. After all, it was your first time to have your tooth pulled by a non-dentist.

Naughty, Naughty!

Hmmm, excuse me... What were you thinking?

Forrest Gump at the Gates of Heaven

I admit I only got to watch this movie last week (via pirated DVD - shucks, sorry OMB). The movie is really moving. I'm sure you already know the whole Forrest Gump story . 

I'm deleting my old e-mails and by chance I came across this old joke about Forrest Gump. It lighten my boring Saturday so I want to share it with you guys.

Here's the story:

Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself.

However, the gates are closed and Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper.


St. Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven."

Forrest responds, "It shor is good to be here St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever tolt me about any entrance exam. Shor hope the test ain't too hard; life was a big enough test as it was."

St. Peter goes on, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.

First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
Third: What is God's first name?"

Forrest leaves to think the questions over.

He returns the next day and sees St. Peter who waves him up and says, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers."

Forrest says, "Well, the first one- which two days in the week begin With the letter "T"? Shucks, that one's easy. That'd be Today and Tomorrow."

The Saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forrest, that's not what I was thinking, but .....you do have a point, and I guess I didn't specify, so I'll give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?" asks St.Peter. "How many seconds in a year?"

"Now that one's harder," says Forrest, "but I thunk and thunk about that and I guess the only answer can be twelve."

Astounded, St. Peter says, "Twelve? Twelve!? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"

Forest says "Shucks, there's gotta be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd. . ." "Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you're going with this, and see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind..... but I'll have to give you credit for that one, too. Let's go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God's first name"?

"Sure" Forrest replied, "its Andy."

"Andy?!" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter. "Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?"

"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. "I learnt it from school. . . . ANDY NAME OF THE FATHER, OF THE SON?.."

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates and said: "Run Forrest, run!"