Guaranteed Life is Propaganda

Sometimes I find it hard translating my feelings into words and as far as my personal blogging experience is concerned, I find it impossible to completely convey exactly what I feel – I can’t totally overcome blogger’s-block I guess. And although my written expressions might be improving, the more I write the more I am discovering how difficult the task of laying down words really is. I’m writing a draft of a personal e-mail right now and I don’t know why I find it so hard.

Evidently, I’m having a hard time conveying the frustrations I’m feeling right now. Thinking about your career and what you really want in life is really a huge everyday burden – especially if you suddenly realize that somewhere along the way, you took a wrong turn.


Eventually, at some point, I feel the need to be on the right track. FEAR always keeps me from moving on and over time it disguise itself as HOPE.  

I accept that I'm not guaranteed anything in my life, but rather I am given the opportunity to go after what I believe to be a worthy pursuit. Because there is no guaranty of success I will appreciate it all the more when I've achieved what I have set out to accomplish.

Through hard work, keeping my end result in mind, and applying ample stick-to-it-ness I know I will achieve what I really want in life.

Am I making sense here?

Enough of my self-help rants! Back to my e-mail…

Bastardiness: Of Being Bastard and Tardy

Today is the third day of my 5-day work suspension – yes, you read it right, I’m suspended for five days – without pay – due  to tardiness.

   

We’ll I guess every organization have their own policy on tardiness, and I violated ours. It’s a policy and I’m aware of it. I know whether intentional or by misfortune, being late for work is, in itself, a visible sign of disrespect for the organization you are working. So I accepted all the consequences, even though they didn’t serve my first and second warning memo which is also part of the policy. 

The absence of those warning memos makes me think that the company is considering those extra working hours I’m spending without filing for overtime pay – silly me,  I’m goddamn wrong.    

According to an ABC News report in March 2007, there are 4 types of chronic tardiness among employees:

1) Rationalizer type: Blames outside factors

2) Absent-minded Professor type: forgetful or disorganized

3) Deadline or Producer Type: Adrenaline addicted junkie. Gets a psychological high on having a jammed schedule

4) Rebel type: Defies authority and gets a high in keeping people waiting. Feel so important that feel people are willing to wait.

But let me add another one:

5) Bastardy Type:  Intentionally being late due to lack of motivation. 

Well, I am being “bastardy” lately. I was acting like Nobita lately,  looking for a “Doraemon” to produce a futuristic gadget out of his pouch to help me fix my motivation problem.  But of course, I’m damn wrong. Only Me can motivate myself – but hey, when was the last time I heard “Nice work, keep it up!” I think it was decades ago. 

I’m not into HR business but I think to make sure these controls actually work, they must be communicated to employees. I mean, we must know what our attendance standards are and how it will affect our advancement, performance ratings, salary increase or promotion (if there’s such a thing.) 

Also, many times when my co-employee calls in sick, they are not really ill, they are just taking a "personal day" off, we all know it, and even managers do it. My suggestion is why not consider the concept of "personal days" -- give us 2-4 "personal days" after we’ve been on the company for 5 years -- we can use the time for personal business, family, whatever. I think it doesn’t cost much in return for loyalty - (aside from that symbolic wristwatch as a reward for a ten-year service)

Anyway, there are of course the good sides of my five days suspension - more good than harm, I guess. I'm already enrolled in a gym, which is in my To-Do list for about two years now. I also catch-up on my reading  and finished two  good books and attended other personal stuff. It’s a nice vacation actually.

I'm not saying bastardiness is good, but if you can't help it... go for it. Being  always nice and good is boring sometimes.  

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Image Credit: Slavery of Time by De michael borgulat

On To Better Things

Today is the day I am contemplating about what I’ve been thinking for roughly three months now – handing over my one-month notice. I’ve been with this company for six years, going seven this coming February.

I’ve been thinking of handing my one-month notice to my boss and put this experience behind me. I’ve left a company before for a better opportunity. In this case am just leaving.

Sure the uncertainty is troublesome. Like anyone, I have bills that need to be paid. However, the fear of the unknown is better than the reality of the known with this job.

On to better things… It’s time to move on to better things.  



I don’t think it matters what one does for work, but what does matter, for me, is that the work is able to sustain an ever-increasing interest; that the work leads in unexpected directions; that it unveils me unto myself. I can tell I am heading on the right path when my work brings me closer to a valuation of life in all its forms. When it happens, I feel accountable for the work I do. It becomes more than me and I feel responsible to it. When I feel responsible, I sense how much I’ve yet to learn. And I burn to continue.

In the end, I am like all the other individuals. I must find my own work, a work that is greater than myself. When I find it, I know I will suffer. When I suffer, I will seek for answers, and I will grow. When I grow, others will grow along with me.

Maybe I should leave the corporate world and pursue my dream of becoming a full-time teacher.

Follow your heart and the money will come. Do what you love. It’s all the great advice and I love hearing it. Everywhere I go, it seems like the conversations always turn to “What do I really want to do?”

The problem is, most of us never find the answer.