The Rise and Fall of the Hapontukin » 7 ½ Tips on How to Avoid Snoozing on the Job

One rainy afternoon, I finally decided to finish the report my boss was asking a few months ago. I started typing, then suddenly stopped, and gave a big powerful tornado-forming yawn. Then I find myself staring at the cursor like a snake in trance. I didn’t move while the vertical cursor blinked a million times. I suspect Microsof Word is doing something evil to me – the cursor was hypnotizing me. The cool air-con breeze touched my skin. I blinked and then blinked again. The blinking becomes slow and slower and slower like that slow motion scene in the movies. I felt my eyelids turned into leather with my eyes as heavy as bowling balls.

The computer monitor is calling me, whispering “Come inside, they are waiting for you…come my child..forget the report…come..”

The Fight with the Cursor

I can’t help it, my head was slowly leaning forward - slowly slowly. I’m fighting it and managed to sit up straight, but then it happened again. This time the cursor was blinking faster and the monitor was eerily glowing, magnetizing my head. Again, my head slowly lean forward to the monitor, I fight it again but the fight lasted only for a minute. The cursor won. I closed my eyes, and collapsed into the keyboard, ready for a short journey to eternity.

I felt a hand touching my shoulder pulling me back to reality. Like a startled wide-eyed tarsier, I came back to reality. At my back is the most terrifying warlord I ever known – the person I call Boss.

“What are you doing? Where is the report?” the towering Mr. Boss growled.

I checked the computer monitor and I magically saw that I already produced 5,6987 pages. But it was filled with unintelligible characters like Russian codes or an Egyptian ancient curse, because my head hits the @!$%*&))==_  keyboard keys.  

The Attack of the Absent-minded Hapontukin

Lost for words I thought of saying, “Oh, hi Boss, I was trying to pick up my contact lens without my hands."

But I saw my left hand holding my eyeglasses, so I just continue staring. Mr. Boss saw what’s on the screen and took a very deep breath, gathering all his magical powers to blow me into pieces. My mind rummaged for some magical spell to counter my impending doom.

While my off-white phlegmatic saliva was still slowly falling down the side of my mouth, I thought I whispered “Boss, I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance."

Mr. Boss just gave a deep-frustrated sigh and left.

I succeeded in sending the warlord away, but I know deep down in my pitiful slave heart that the battle has just began.

Are you a Hapontukin Too?

I am a certified Hapontukin (palaging inaantok tuwing hapon) or always sleepy in the afternoon. It’s a condition where you don’t have enough energy to last you through the day. Maybe you are also experiencing it once in a while.

The most obvious reason for afternoon drowsiness is lack of sleep, which can have a variety of causes. In my case, it is because of too much Facebooking or late night blogging or a mild hang-over. I know that’s bad for health, so I’m trying to limit those activities in the evening. However, sometimes we really need to stay awake late at night to finish some important stuff, which causes a terrible Hapontukin moment the following day. 

In the corporate world, we always have Mr. Boss who always have their noses smoking with rage if they see a Hapontukin employee because, of course it’s a business and they didn’t want to pay the price of our on-the-job-snoozing in the form of lost productivity. Also, it will badly affect our performance evaluation, hence we have to do something to stay awake and finish our deliverable. We also know that sleeping on the job can be risky to the point that it can cost us our job.

Therefore, it is a must for us to do something to help us get a steady energy and avoid Hapontukin moments.

7 and ½ Tips on How to Avoid Snoozing on the Job

Here are my personal tips on how to beat Hapontukin Moments:

When hapontukin sets in, I take funny pictures with my co-worker, make a quick video clip, do some clean-up, engage in a quick chat – the spiderman style, and take a magic pill.

1. Grab your camera and take funny pictures – Pretend you need graphics for the company brochure, newsletter, company website or a powerpoint presentation and ask co-employees to take a pose for you. Of course lots of them will be more than willing to help you. Here are some of our samples.

Yodz babysitting an emo accountant

May the best girl win

Where have you been slave dwarf?

Arrrgg!!! I'm giving birth to a witch!

2.  Create your own version of  “Sadako Movie” or “The Matrix” - or whatever movie or painting you like. Be creative. A quick brainstorming about it will definitely make your hanpontukin moment go away. 

Where is Sadako?

The Matrix

3. Help the cleaning lady - A little courtesy help in sweeping the floor would not hurt your pride. If you can’t do it, at least clean up your cubicle. 

The Matrix superstar turned janitor

4. Quick chat “The Spiderman” style - Prefer quick chatting and gossiping face to face, do not do it via e- mail, phone, SMS or Yahoo Messenger when you can easily jump up to your co-workers. 

Hey buddy what's the new chismis?

5. Photocopy yourself – Well, yeah, you can do it once in while but I’m actually not recommending it. But it’s fun – give it a try. 

Can you please make 500 copies of me?

6. Create a quick video clip using your phone camera – Ask your co-workers (who are sleepy too) to join you in making a dance clip. Some caution: shoot it in a place where others will not be distracted, such as the elevator or in the office pantry.

Please watch our short video clip entitled “Ang mga pokpok na lumilipad, minamahal ni Yodz”

7½. Take a magic pill - Most of these previous tips are just temporary solutions to afternoon Hapontukin. Nothing beats regular exercise and a balanced, nutritious diet in keeping our body healthy and lively. Also, taking multivitamins has always provided us with essential vitamins we need to help maintain good health and energy. But not all vitamins are alike, what we need is a Multivitamins with special combination of vitamins called Steadi-Energy Complex which can provide us with lasting energy (tuluy-tuloy na energy) throughout the day. This steadi-energy is important most especially if there are so many things to do at work. By the way, that 1/2 is for extra energy.

If we treat our body properly, it will work like a well-oiled machine whether day, night, or afternoon. It may even help us in our early promotion.

I definitely agree with Enervon’s campaign “More Energy, Mas Happy.” In this stressful and fast-paced city life, I definitely need Multivitamins Enervon – of course because of its Steadi-Energy Complex vitamin combination. It’s truly a magic energy pill for me. 

Hapontukin bad,
Steady energy – Good!

Bastardiness: Of Being Bastard and Tardy

Today is the third day of my 5-day work suspension – yes, you read it right, I’m suspended for five days – without pay – due  to tardiness.

   

We’ll I guess every organization have their own policy on tardiness, and I violated ours. It’s a policy and I’m aware of it. I know whether intentional or by misfortune, being late for work is, in itself, a visible sign of disrespect for the organization you are working. So I accepted all the consequences, even though they didn’t serve my first and second warning memo which is also part of the policy. 

The absence of those warning memos makes me think that the company is considering those extra working hours I’m spending without filing for overtime pay – silly me,  I’m goddamn wrong.    

According to an ABC News report in March 2007, there are 4 types of chronic tardiness among employees:

1) Rationalizer type: Blames outside factors

2) Absent-minded Professor type: forgetful or disorganized

3) Deadline or Producer Type: Adrenaline addicted junkie. Gets a psychological high on having a jammed schedule

4) Rebel type: Defies authority and gets a high in keeping people waiting. Feel so important that feel people are willing to wait.

But let me add another one:

5) Bastardy Type:  Intentionally being late due to lack of motivation. 

Well, I am being “bastardy” lately. I was acting like Nobita lately,  looking for a “Doraemon” to produce a futuristic gadget out of his pouch to help me fix my motivation problem.  But of course, I’m damn wrong. Only Me can motivate myself – but hey, when was the last time I heard “Nice work, keep it up!” I think it was decades ago. 

I’m not into HR business but I think to make sure these controls actually work, they must be communicated to employees. I mean, we must know what our attendance standards are and how it will affect our advancement, performance ratings, salary increase or promotion (if there’s such a thing.) 

Also, many times when my co-employee calls in sick, they are not really ill, they are just taking a "personal day" off, we all know it, and even managers do it. My suggestion is why not consider the concept of "personal days" -- give us 2-4 "personal days" after we’ve been on the company for 5 years -- we can use the time for personal business, family, whatever. I think it doesn’t cost much in return for loyalty - (aside from that symbolic wristwatch as a reward for a ten-year service)

Anyway, there are of course the good sides of my five days suspension - more good than harm, I guess. I'm already enrolled in a gym, which is in my To-Do list for about two years now. I also catch-up on my reading  and finished two  good books and attended other personal stuff. It’s a nice vacation actually.

I'm not saying bastardiness is good, but if you can't help it... go for it. Being  always nice and good is boring sometimes.  

_______________

Image Credit: Slavery of Time by De michael borgulat

On To Better Things

Today is the day I am contemplating about what I’ve been thinking for roughly three months now – handing over my one-month notice. I’ve been with this company for six years, going seven this coming February.

I’ve been thinking of handing my one-month notice to my boss and put this experience behind me. I’ve left a company before for a better opportunity. In this case am just leaving.

Sure the uncertainty is troublesome. Like anyone, I have bills that need to be paid. However, the fear of the unknown is better than the reality of the known with this job.

On to better things… It’s time to move on to better things.  



I don’t think it matters what one does for work, but what does matter, for me, is that the work is able to sustain an ever-increasing interest; that the work leads in unexpected directions; that it unveils me unto myself. I can tell I am heading on the right path when my work brings me closer to a valuation of life in all its forms. When it happens, I feel accountable for the work I do. It becomes more than me and I feel responsible to it. When I feel responsible, I sense how much I’ve yet to learn. And I burn to continue.

In the end, I am like all the other individuals. I must find my own work, a work that is greater than myself. When I find it, I know I will suffer. When I suffer, I will seek for answers, and I will grow. When I grow, others will grow along with me.

Maybe I should leave the corporate world and pursue my dream of becoming a full-time teacher.

Follow your heart and the money will come. Do what you love. It’s all the great advice and I love hearing it. Everywhere I go, it seems like the conversations always turn to “What do I really want to do?”

The problem is, most of us never find the answer.

Pretending to Be Busy at Work Can Cause Diarrhea

Jim, my officemate was recently promoted to assistant manager but I guess he couldn't reconcile himself to his new office and position.

Before 5:00 p.m., Mr. Swabe (not his real name), our senior manager, used to drop by at every office on his way out for a little chit-chat. Yesterday, I saw him heading to Jim’s office, so I warned Jim in advance.

To show how important and busy he was, he picked up the phone and then asked Mr. Swabe to have a seat. Jim kept talking on the phone, nodding and saying, "No problem, I can handle that," “Yes,” “Yes, everything is being taken care of, don’t worry.”

After a few minutes he hung up and asked Mr. Swabe what he could do for him.
Before Mr. Swabe could reply, somebody from the building maintenance office suddenly came in and said,  "Sir, I'm here to connect your phone."

Jim suddenly excused himself and ran to the CR and stayed there for an hour.

Here and There - Sudden Wisdom on a Hell Day

While trying to finish my usual 2-page To-Do list today, I suddenly stopped, gave a deep frustrated sigh, stared at all the papers in front of me, and thought of quitting... yes, resigning from this job... I don't know but I'm contemplating on this idea for almost a week now.

Like a choreographed emo moment, the next song played by my player was "I Will Get There" by Boyz II Men...

I will get there, 
I will get there somehow, 
Cross that river, 
Nothing's stoppin' me now, 
I will get through the night, 
And make it through to the other side

But...

How can I be sure that "there" is a better place than "here." I know myself, when my "there" has become a "here", I will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."

Ahhhhh, hell day it is!

__________________
Image Source: Kamicarus by Egil Paulsen

The Rise of the Mediocre - How I climbed the corporate ladder

While sipping a nice hot tea after lunch, hoping to calm down my angry stomach – which is planning a major revolution via a deadly gas attack after I stuff it with an unknown fish soup, banana cue, ampalaya and other for-the-glutton-like-me stuff during lunch, I suddenly notice our company bulletin board. Weird because nobody ever seems to notice it – one of the most ignored thing in our office. Posted on it are the smiling faces of all the employees, forming a pyramid – a typical hierarchical organization chart, telling all the visitors and reminding all the employees who are the gods and the slaves.

My mind, which hates doing mental calculation, tried to calculate how long I’ve been here in this company. Whoaaah! Six years. Double check… Double check.. Hmmm February 2003… Oh my gums! Six years and five months? That long? Whew!

I found this company in Jobstreet, a ship crewing, crew management and shipping agent here in the Philippines. I started as a recruitment & training assistant. After a few years, my boss noticed that I’m bored to death – always going to work with a terrible hang-over, always staring at my computer monitor doing nothing and always having the don’t-fucking-disturb-me look. The trick is, I make them rely to me in almost everything so that they can’t just fire me – from e-mail correspondence to file management to guest and trainee relations, hence instead of firing me they transferred me to the Training Division as a registrar and computer instructor.

I few years later I found myself fighting the Peter Principle, already reaching my level of incompetence. Fighting routine work, highly convinced that I’m underpaid and overloaded by tasks not listed in my job description. So I decided to quit. Hoping for a greener and fresher pasture in the academe.

When I’m about to submit my resignation letter, I was offered the rumored-to-be-challenging job as the Executive Assistant of the Chairman of the Board and President.

I accepted the challenge, therefore here I am – learning bits and pieces of business bureaucracy, learning the importance of business protocols as mundane as handing a business card to a Japanese, e-mail etiquette and various business correspondence and the most exciting – observing how managers perspire during the monthly committee meeting.

It’s already a year and a few months – time passes by, continuously learning a few tricks here and there, but the academe has that drawing power over me. I’ll have to wait I guess – hoping for another round of company reorganization.