Regrets

"Bakit ba pati ako, binibigyan nyo ng malisya? Ano ba ang kasalanan ko?!"
- Talong

"Hindi lahat ng malakas, super hero!"
- Putok

"Paano tayo makakabuo kung hindi ako papatong sa iyo?"
- Lego

"Halika, bigyan mo pa ako ng init. Kailangan kong pumutok para ako'yiyong matikman at ika'y masarapan. Ayan na! Puputok na! Humanda ka!"
- Popcorn

"Kahit papaano, gusto ko din ng exposure!"
- Singit

"Hindi ko hinahangad na ipagmalaki mo na ako'y sa iyo. Ayoko langnaman na sa harap ng maraming tao, ganun mo na lang ako itanggi!"
- Utot

"Hindi lahat ng hinog ay matamis!"
- Pigsa

"Kapag ang katawan mo'y nag-iinit, lagi na lang ako ang hinahanap mo.Maya't maya mo akong ginagamit at pinapagod. Hindi ka na naawa!"
- Aircon

"You never even thank me for making you happy, then you throw me awayjust like that. I hate you for using me, for making my life full ofshit!"
- Tissue

"You can cry all you want, you could always blame me. You said, itwasn't fair that you just want life to be better. But remember, it's allyour fault! You stabbed me with a knife!"
- Sibuyas

"Isubo mo ang kahabaan ko. Dilaan. Sipsipin. Paglaruan sa bibig mo.Para lumabas ang katas ko na kinasabikan mo. Nag mamahal,"
- Ice Candy

"Panakip butas mo lang pala ako!".
- Panty

"Pinapaikot mo lang ako! Nagsasawa na ako. Mabuti pang patayin mo nalang ako".
- Electric fan

"Hindi lahat na walang salawal ay bastos!"
- winnie d' pooh

"Alam mo ba wala akong ibang hinangad kundi ang mapalapit sa iyo.Pero patuloy ang pag-iwas mo".
- ipis

"Hala! sige magpakasasa ka! Alam ko namang katawan ko lang ang habol mo."
-hipon

"Ayoko na! Pag nagmamahal ako, lagi na lang maraming tao angnagagalit! Wala ba akong karapatang magmahal?!"
-Gasolina

"Sawang-sawa na ako, palagi na lang akong pinagpapasa- pasahan, pagodna pagod na ako."
- Bola

"Ginawa ko naman lahat para sumaya ka, mahirap ka ba talagangmakontento sa isa? Bakit palipat-lipat ka?
- TV

"Hindi lahat ng maasim may vitamin C"
-kili kili

"Pilitin mo man na alisin ako sa buhay mo, babalik at babalik ako!
-Libag

"Anung kasalanan ko sa iyo, iniwan mo na lang akong duguan..."
-Sanitary Napkin

"Hwag mo na akong bilugin.."
-kulangot

"Bwisit na buhay ito! Araw-araw na lang, itlog! Umaga, tanghali,gabi, itlog! Itlog! Itlog! Lagi na lang itlog!"
-Brief

"Sige, kalimutan mo ako para malaman ng iba ang baho mo!
-deodorant

"Ako lang ang makakapagpadugo ng ilong ni Manny Pacquiao!"
- English

"Hindi totoong anak ko si Bakekang! At lalong hindi ko kapatid siMike Enriquez! Kaya pwede ba, tigilan na ang tsismis na yan!"
- Shrek

__________________
Source: author unknown [forwarded e-mail]

What's on my mind...

What's on my mind today?

...Ms. Heart E. - my ultimate crush,

(in a really cool beach...walking in the sand, holding each others hands and barefoot)

...a bottle of ice cold SanMig Light

...a semi-kalbo haircut (i felt like i'm always having a bad hair day this past few weeks)

...hot shower

...sinigang sa kasoy and fried tuyo for lunch

...one week vacation in the mountain to write a philosophy book or perhaps a horror-comedy-tragic book.

This is what I do when I'm tired, broke, bored and unhappy. Just letting the time pass by, with a hot mug of black coffee in my hand, clumsily sitting in my favorite squeaking swivel chair - pondering about all the good things in life.

Ang Pakikibaka Ko Bilang Isang Commuter

Medyo mahirap talaga pag malayo ang bahay mo sa work. Tapos wala ka pang sariling sasakyan. Fresh na fresh kang lalabas sa bahay, pero pagdating mo sa work, pasalamat ka na kung di ka masyadong mukhang basahan at nakukuha mo pa ring ngumiti. Challenge talaga sa pasensya mo pag commuter ka sa Manila. Naalala ko lang kasi dati uwian ako from Montalban, Rizal going to my work sa Mandaluyong, pero ngayon nag b-board na ko malapit sa work. Ibig sabihin, dati, isa ako sa mga nakikibaka araw-araw, para maka pasok sa trabaho na hindi late.

Una, sasakay ako ng tricycle. Siyempre mahal ang pamasahe pag mag-isa ka lang na pasahero. Siguro mga 25 pesos. Ang tawag nila dun “special”. Pag medyo gusto mo kunwari sosyal ka, mag a-avail ka ng especial ride… pero ganun din, mauusukan ka rin at maamoy mo rin ang driver na madalas eh amoy di-nilalabhang basahan na ipinang-punas sa suka na natapon sa malansang lamesa. Siyempre para sa pangkaraniwang mamamayan na katulad ko, e maghihintay na lang ako ng iba pang pasahero – 6 pesos lang – pero nagtaas na ata, 8 pesos na ata. Swerte mo pag medyo kaakit-akit sa paningin ang makatabi mo. Malas mo naman pag lumba-lumba.

So, after ko mag tricyle jeep naman. Favorite ko na pwesto yung sa dulo, kasi di ka abot ng abot ng bayad. Malas mo pag dun ka naka pwesto sa malapit sa driver. Wala kang magagawa kundi magpa alila sa mga kapwa mo pasahero. Wala kang gagawin kundi mag abot ng bayad ng mga pasaway na pasahero kahit na magtulog tulugan ka pa. Kasi it is an “unwritten rule” pag sumakay ka sa jeep.

Pagbaba ko ng jeep, tatakbo naman ako sa MRT, sa Quezon Ave. station. Siyempre rush hour, so isang malaking himala pag dumating ka na walang pila sa MRT. Feeling ko isa akong penguin habang nasa pila. Kasi ang hakbang mo dun pakonti konti lang hanggang makarating ka sa counter para bumili ng ticket. Madalas hanggang ibaba ng hagdan, hanggang kalsada pa ang pila. Dati masarap mag MRT kasi mga naka neck-tie, mababango at white collar employees ang madalas mong makakasabay. Ngayon halo halo na. May lasing, adik, kakalabas lang sa construction, pokpok, bakla, tomboy – all representatives of the godforsaken Philippine society andun, at ang isa pang siguradong present dun tuwing umaga ay ang mga mandurukot. Madals mo nga marinig dun ang mga linyang ito, “Next station – Cubao Station – Cubao Station, iwasan po lamang na sumandal sa magkabilang pinto ng tren at humawak sa mga handrails – MAG INGAT NA RIN PO SA MGA MANDURUKOT !” How ironic, kasi una, wala kang choice kundi sumandal sa pinto kung dun ka nakapwesto kasi nga siksikan, tapos di mo na rin kelangan humawak sa handrails kasi kahit ma-derail ang tren di ka matutumba, kasi nga wala ng space para tumbahan mo! Tapos, what?... mga mandurukot, .. mas masaya siguro kung dagdagan na nila “Mag-ingat sa mga mandurukot, mamamatay tao, manyak, at lalong lalo na sa may putok sa kili-kili.”

“Teka, ano ba naiipit mo na ang boobs ko!”, sabi ng isang babaeng disente ang damit pero mukhang pokpok. “Eh, miss mag taxi ka na lang kung ayaw mong masiksik! First time mo ba?” sabi naman ng manyak. Tapos madalas maririnig mo ang mga “sawsaw pasengers” na di naman talaga involve, “Kaya nga naka separate na ang mga babae! Dito pa rin kayo siksik ng siksik!.” E siyempre masasaktan ang iba pang babae na nandun… at yun na ang simula ng civil war.
Sabi nga nila, pag sumakay ka daw ng MRT o kaya LRT pag rush hour, pag labas mo di ka na virgin. Ke lalake ka pa o babae.

Dati nga nagka second degree burn ako dahil sa MRT. Kasi madalas, literal na parang sardinas in “pawis-sauce” ang drama sa loob ng MRT. Tapos yung butihing asawa ng mga construction worker at kung sino sino pa e pinagbabaon yung mga mister nila sa umaga ng napakainit na kanin at ulam. Ibabalot sa plastic o kaya sa pang-mahirap na baunan tapos ilalagay sa bulsa ng backpack. E ang malas ko kasi sinigang ata ang baon ng katabi ko para sa kanyang lunch. At wala siyang pakialam kung kanino mapadikit ang backpack niya. Ang kawawang AKO naman ang malas na nakakatabi niya. Ang lintik na yun, natuwa pa nung nagulat at napaso ako. Siyempre likas na peaceful na tao ako.. so ipinag pray ko na lang na sumabog sa bag niya ang baon niyang sinigang at mahulog siya sa hagdan ng MRT, magpagulong gulong, at maging biktima ng stampede. At tsaka kasi mukha siyang mason sa construction site, at nasilayan ko rin na may tattoo siya sa braso. Dalawang magkapatong na puso, tapos may nakatusok na arrow na may konting dugo at may rose na mukhang gumamela – tattoo ng typical na probinsyanong adik. So, ako na isang simpleng mamamayan, takot mamatay at may mga pangarap sa buhay, ay tiniis na lang ang paso na dulot ng pesteng sinigang na baon ng isang-takas-sa-munti-cum-construction worker na probinsiyanong adik.

At pagkatapos ng lahat ng pagsubok, pasakit, stress, pagtakbo, pakikipagsiksikan, test of patience at paglanghap ng sariwang usok - sa wakas!! nakarating din sa office, kahit na 11 minutes late, - ahhh, aircon, unlimited coffee, petiks, bolahan with co-workers…

Pero teka… bakit ang aga ng boss ko?... at nakasimangot!!!! OMG!! Ibang pakikipagsapalaran naman ito…

Taking A Break

The pounding rain outside suddenly awakened me. I checked the time on my cellphone. Its glowing screen hurt my eyes, I blinked and waited until my eyes adjusted to the sudden light and checked the time. It’s 2 o’clock in the morning. I’m still sleepy and I don’t want to get out of my bed but something was urging me to check the windows in my room for possible leaks. Some water managed to get into my room the last time it rained hard. I don’t remember whether it’s during yesterday’s lunch talk or from the news where I overheard about a typhoon coming today. I even overheard that today’s typhoon has a female name but I instantly forget it. I don’t care about typhoon names anyway. I turned on the lights and checked the windows. Everything is ok. I decided to have a glass of water and go back to sleep.

My phone’s alarm set off at 6 o’clock in the morning. I turned the alarm off and go back to sleep like all the other working days. A few minutes in bed on a rainy morning is a luxury for me. My mother used to tell me during my high school days that it is a sign of laziness, maybe she’s right but I guess I can’t deny myself those simple pleasures. When I finally decided to greet the gloomy morning and start my morning rituals, it is already 8:30. I’m already very late for work so I decided to do my morning routine without haste and just enjoy the cold, gloomy and lazy morning.

In my work, there is what they called "inevitable leave". You can file this to save your sorry ass from receiving a Tardiness Memo and avoid suspension. This is how we, the representatives from the lower level of the pyramid they called "Org. Chart", managed to survive this socialized and corporate slavery. This modern day slavery has a system called "a corporate ladder" which challenges every slave "a.k.a. employees", to elevate their corporate standing into slavevisory level, or into master slaves or managers. There is only one ladder for so many slaves so the fight is bloody nasty. If you are stupid and have a weak heart you will die in climbing the ladder or if you managed to escape death while climbing, you will end up broke, poor and unhappy.

And today, I decided to take a rest in climbing the ladder, have a break and just enjoy the day.

Tomorrow I Will Kill My Second Thought

I am awake, but my body refuses to move. It is still raining outside and the cold morning is urging me to stay a little longer in my bed. Like all the other cold mornings, I stayed in bed, awake, just letting my second thought run like a random movie. First, it suggested the idea of not working today, then a fantasy, an erotic idea, and then a song.

I am amazed by the idea of a “second thought”. Paulo Coelho, the famous author of “The Alchemist” said that we have two minds, first is the one we use in decision making and is used for logical thinking, the other one is the random thoughts and most of the time, uncontrolled. If you wake up with a song that just keeps playing in your mind, humming a melody without lyrics like a “ta-de-dum…la la la” thing, well that is your second thought doing its trick. In my case, I consider my second thought as my evil thought. Maybe that’s why Paulo Coelho strongly suggests controlling or in some instances, killing your second thought.

I don’t know why the song “Let Me Fall” by Josh Groban keeps playing in my head. I can’t get it out of my head and I am irritated by it. After struggling for 30 minutes, my body finally budges to get up to take a shower. Well of course, today is a Monday and I’m already late for work, but I just don’t care.

I have to make a plan today how to overcome my second thought, because tomorrow, I’m planning to kill it.

Blinding Darkness

"You will never have a greater or lesser dominion than that over yourself. . . . the height of a man's success is gauged by his self-mastery; the depth of his failure by his self-abandonment. . . . And this law is the expression of eternal justice. He who cannot establish dominion over himself will have no dominion over others."
Leonardo da Vinci (1452 - 1519)

After I signed the Warrior-of-the-Light’s sacred vow last 19th of June, I thought I am indestructible. I thought that the challenges and the war over myself and the expansion of my territorial bubble would be easy. But I was terribly wrong. The war has just begun.

I seem to be losing the war for the past three weeks. I don’t know if it is because of the constant rain or because I am ignorant of the Warrior’s tactics that causes my failure.
Darkness once again blinded me and pierced my heart. I thought I already have greater dominion over myself. I thought I would never again commit the greatest of man’s error, which is self-abandonment.

I accept that once again I have fallen.
I believe that the Warrior of the Light never commits the same mistake twice, but I violated it.
I once again enjoyed the sick cycle carousel ride, only to painfully regret it.
I have to go back again to the reasons why I have to win this fight. I have to fight even if I end up still fighting because if I surrender I will have no reason to live.

I am a Warrior of the Light
I have to win this fight.

The Road to My Personal Legend

The Road to My Personal Legend
Summoning the force of Sphyneckxzeus
The way of the Warrior of the Light

I am Yodz. I believe with all my heart that I am worthy of all the endeavors

I choose to pursue. I strongly believe that I can achieve all my dreams & goals in life. I believe that happiness is a choice, & I choose to be happy. I am happy & content with my life now. I know what I want to achieve & I know what I have to do to achieve it. I am making this day & everyday a masterpiece.

I am always taking care of my body, realizing the importance of moderation & balance, knowing that as I bring my flesh under control, it will be easy to control my will & actions. Everyday, I will eat more fruits & vegetables, drink lots of water & have sufficient sleep. I am avoiding unhealthy and junk foods. I am avoiding alcoholic drinks because it impairs my mental and physical faculties, which always leads to regretful mornings. Cleanliness is always my priority & I am always practicing good hygiene so that I can face the world with confidence.
In return for good health, I will treat everyone I meet everyday the way I want to be treated. I am beginning & ending each day with love in my heart. I am appreciating the life that I have, & very delighted in the reality of being alive. My past is forever gone, my future an uncertainty, so I will be happy & thankful for each moment.

I am spending my active income only for my needs, never for my wants. Everytime I will spend or disburse money, I will ask myself "Will this bring me closer to my financial goals?"
In return for this money, I will give the most efficient service of which I am capable, rendering the fullest possible quantity & the best possible quality of service. I believe that I will have this money in my possession. My faith is so strong that I can now see this money before my eyes. I can touch it with my hands. I am seeing myself rendering the best service in return for this money. I am awaiting a plan by which to accumulate this money, & I will follow that plan, when it is received.

I am spending time in study, learning how to better serve my fellowman. I know my growth in all areas is in direct proportion to the service I give to others. I will have my Masters Degree in 2010. I will do my best to finish my thesis. If they can do it, I know it is possible for me to do it. I am always finding time to improve my skills & knowledge in areas of Information Technology, Language & Writing. I am improving my writing skills by composing more blogs, poems & writing a book. I enjoy spending time reading books.

I am spending time for my family & friends. I am avoiding gossip, criticisms & negative thinking. I will not care about what others will say about me. This is my life & I am living it the way I wanted it to be. I know that if I am influenced by opinions of others, I have no desire of my own. The Warrior of the Light does not spend his days trying to play the role that others have chosen for him. It is not my responsibility to judge the dreams of others & I am not wasting time criticizing other people’s decisions.

I am getting everything done on time. When I see a new task, I plan it, schedule it, do it. My time is valuable & I treat it that way. I also understand that by being late, I am stealing other people’s precious time so I will arrive early on every appointment and every class. This is my way of valuing and respecting other people.

I am not committing the mistakes I made in the past. It is written that the true Warrior of the Light never commits the same mistake twice.

I see & feel myself doing it. I am very sure of myself that I can do it because I am always carrying with me - FAITH, HOPE & LOVE. I am doing all these with FAITH & strong DESIRE. I am doing all this with PERSISTENCE & DISCIPLINE And I am setting all this into ACTION, everyday & every minute of my life.
This is the road to my Personal Legend & no matter how long it takes or hard it is, I CAN DO IT!
I am Yodz, the force of Sphyneckxzeus is in me.
This is my sacred vow to become a true Warrior of the Light.

Signed:

Yodz De Veas y Insigne
Warrior of the Light
19th of June 2008