16 Funny Things To Ponder About Living in the 21st Century

 1.  The one thing that unites all human beings on the internet, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside we ALL hope that our friends/network will click that "Like" button on our Facebook status.. 

2. There is a very fine line between “Facebook,” "Twitter" and “mental illness.” 

3. The most powerful force in the internet and the whole universe, is gossip. 

4. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one Filipino policeman who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that policeman is crazy. 

5. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she’s gaining weight. 

6. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why your company has not achieved, and never will achieve, its goals, targets or implement plans for salary increase, that word would be “meetings.” 

7. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests and rallies is to annoy people who are not in them. 

8. If God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will NOT use, as His messenger, that guy on IBC 13, wearing red suit with fake smile who wants to be Philippine President. 

9. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 

10. You should not confuse your LIFE with career and money. 

11. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the fastfood waiters and salesladies, is not a nice person. 

12. Your friends love you, don't doubt that. 

13. Friends come and go, that's normal. If your enemies is accumulating - that's abnormal

14. Nobody cares if you can’t sing well in a videoke bar. Just get up and sing.. 

15. The battle of the sexes ended a few decades ago, too many already betrayed their own and joined the other side. 

16. A man usually feels better after a few winks, especially if she winks back.

Comments, Thoughts? Any additional points to ponder you might want to add?

What Men Should Never Say After Sex

1) "I was kidding about being sterile, you know."

2) "Do you always fart like that when someone shoves it in?"

3) "How come it's so BIG in there?"

4) "You've done this with a lotta guys before---right?"

5) "Next time I come over, don't bother with the underwear, OK?"

6) (Sniff, sniff) "Is that sea-foods?"

7) (Yelling) "OK guys, it's a wrap, cut, and print it!!"

8) "You are great in bed, but your sister gives better head!"

9) "My first wife was prettier, but you can screw a lot better."

10) "Do you know what a 'douche' is ?"

11) "Maybe if you did some pushups, your boobs would grow.

12) "I want you to try some of MY deodorant."

13) "I'm not into relationships. Can't we just screw, like every Tuesday night or something?"

14) "Maybe if you lost some weight, I could get it all the way in!"

15) "I never saw a girl with hairy tits before !"

16) "I've been getting these little blisters lately-------"

17) "You wanna do those dishes before you leave ?"

18) "You should go wash that, the cabbie will think something DIED in there.

Tips for guys who goes shopping against their will

My female friends, girlfriend and my sister sometimes insist that I accompany them on their trips to Department Stores and sometimes in tiangge (thrift shops). Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to make alibis and get out. "Frustrating" as I usually describe it. 

Unfortunately, my female friends and also my sister (like most women) - - loves to browse, and the amazing thing is they have the power to persuade… against my will.

A friend sent me these cool  and funny tips to enjoy shopping with girls which I want to share with you guys:

1. Take 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they are not looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. Approach an employee and tell her in an official voice, 'There’s an emergency in Housewares. Get on it right away!"

5. Go to the Service Desk and try to put a bag of M&M's on the counter.

6. Move the  'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you will invite them in if they will bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk ask if they can help you, began crying and scream, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk where are the antidepressants.

11. Dart around the store, suspiciously, while loudly humming the Mission Impossible theme.

12. In the auto department, practice 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yell 'PICK ME!

14. When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assume a fetal position and scream 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least...

15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door, wait awhile, and then yell very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

Have fun guys!!! Surely these girls will not invite you again against your will.

Any other tips? Please share it on the comments section below.

Ang Balintataw ni Inday

Eto may update kay INDAY... SA DULO NG KANLING CONVERSATIONAL MATUTUWA KA SA SINAPIT NILA......... Check the bottom part!!!

BWAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAA, galing mag inglis ni Inday..

Dahil sa tindi ng kahirapan sa probinsya, namasukan si Inday bilang katulong sa Maynila. Habang ini-interview ng amo...

Amo: Kelangan namin ng katulong para mag ayos ng bahay, magluto,maglaba, magplantsa, mamalengke, at magbantay ng mga bata. Kaya mo ba ang lahat ng ito?

Inday: I believe that my trained skills and expertise in management with the use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will contribute significantly to the value of the work that you want, my creativity, productivity and work-efficiency and the high quality of outcomes I can offer will boost the work progress.

Amo : [nosebleed]

Nakaraan ang dalawang araw, umuwi ang amo, nakitang me bukol si junior.

Amo: Bakit me bukol si junior?

Inday: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy's cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.

Amo: [nosebleed ulit]

Kinagabihan, habang naghahapunan.

Amo: Bakit maalat ang ulam?

Inday: The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium chloride (NaCl) affected the taste drastically and those actions are
irreversible. I do apologize.

Amo: [nosebleed na naman]

Donya: Bakit tuwing paguwi ko, nadadatnan kitang nanunuod ng tv?!

Inday: Because I don't want you to see me doing absolutely nothing.

Donya: [hinimatay]

Kinabukasan, sinamahan ni Inday si junior sa principal's office dahil di makapunta ang amo at donya.

Princi pal: Sinuntok ni junior ang kanyang kaklase.

Inday: It's absurd! It was never a fact that he will inflict a fight. I can only imagine how you handle schizophre nic kids on this educational institution. Revise your policies because they suck!

Principal: [nag resign]

Pag dating sa bahay, nandun na ang amo, galit na galit.

Amo: Inday, bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!


Inday: A change in the weather patterns might have occurred wrecking havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris are scattered indicates that the gust of wind was
going northeast causing damage to the path it was heading for.

Amo: [nosebleed ulit]

Habang nagluluto si Inday ng hapunan,malikot si junior.

Inday : Stop your raucous behavior. It is bound to result in property damages and if that happens there will be corresponding punishment to be inflicted upon you!

Junior: [takbo sa CR, punasan ang nagdudugong ilong]

Pa gkatapos magluto, nanood na ng TV si Inday. Nabalitaan nya umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA 7.

Junior: Bakit kaya sya umalis?

Inday: Sometimes, people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know that things will get worse if they'll stay. Leaving can be a tough act, and it's harder when people can't understand you for doing so.

Junior: [tuloy ang pagdugo ng ilong]

Nung gabing yon, me nag text ke Inday. Si Dodong, ang driver ng kapitbahay, gusto maki pag text-mate.

In day: To forestall further hopes of acquaintance, my unfathomable statement to the denial of your request - Petition denied.

Di nagla-on, dahil sa tyaga ni Dodong, nagging syota nya rin si Inday. Pero di tumagal ang kanilang relasyon,at nakipag-break si Inday ke Dodong.

Inday: The statute restricts me to love you but you have the provocations. The way you smile is the proximate cause why I love you. We have some rules to think of. We
have no vested rights to love each other because the upper household dismissed my petition!"


Dodong : Perhaps you are mistaken, what you seem to contrive as any affections for you are somewhat half-hearted. I was merely attempting to expand my network of interests by involving you in my daily recreation. Heretofor, you can expect an end to any verbal articulation from myself"

Me dumaan na mamang basurero, at narinig ang usapan ni Inday at Dodong.

Basurero (sabi ke Inday): Be careful in letting go of the things you thought are just nothing because maybe someday you'll realize that the one you gave away is the very thing you've been wishing for to stay.

******** ITO NA UNG UPDATE *********
Eto may update kay INDAY... SA DULO NG KANILANG CONVERSATIONAL MATUTUWA
KA SA SINAPIT NILA.........

Narinig ang lahat ng amo ni inday.

Amo: Mula ngayon, walang magsasalita ng ingles, sinumang magpadugo ng ilong
ko at sa anak ko, palalayasin sa pamamahay na ito.

Inday: Ang namutawi sa inyong labi ay mataman ko pong iimbak sa sulok ng
aking balintataw, kaibuturan ng aking puso, gugunam- gunamin. Sakbibi ng
madlang lumbay kung mapapaalis sa gunita yaring tinuran.

Amo: Leche, di kami sinauna!!! Yung makabago ang gusto ko !!

Inday: Tarush! Pachenes pa tong chorva eklavuboo chuva tabayishki kun
suplandish ...:)

Amo: [ nagpakamatay ]

What Gender is a Computer?

A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. Things like 'chalk' or 'pencil,' she described, would have a gender association although in English these words were neutral. Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked, "What gender is a computer?" The teacher wasn't certain which it was, and so divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. One group was composed of the women in the class, and the other, of men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you might have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
______________________________________
Source: http://www.funnyhumor.com/jokes/559.php

Landian 101

1. "Kung hindi mo mahal ang isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka nya.."

2. "Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba."

3. "Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang."

4. "Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na."

5. "Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin."

6. "Kung maghihintay ka nang lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo. Dapat lumandi ka din."

7. "Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang."

8. "Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa."

9. "Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka. Kaya quits lang."

10. "Kung dalawa ang mahal mo, piliin mo yung pangalawa. Kasi hindi ka naman magmamahal ng iba kung mahal mo talaga yung una."

11. "Hindi porke't madalas mong ka-chat, kausap sa telepono, kasama sa mga lakad o ka-text ng wantusawa eh may gusto sayo at magkakatuluyan kayo. Meron lang talagang mga taong sadyang friendly, sweet, flirt, malandi, pa-fall o paasa."

12. "Huwag magmadali sa lalaki o babae. Tatlo, lima , sampung taon, mag-iiba ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong hindi pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang maganda o nakakalibog ito. Totoong mas mahalaga ang kalooban ng tao higit sa anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan nagmumukha ding pandesal, maniwala ka.

13. "Minsan kahit ikaw ang nakaschedule, kailangan mo pa rin maghintay, kasi hindi ikaw ang priority."

14. "Mahirap pumapel sa buhay ng tao. Lalo na kung hindi ikaw yung bida sa script na pinili nya."

15. "Alam mo ba kung gaano kalayo ang pagitan ng dalawang tao pag nagtalikuran na sila? Kailangan mong libutin ang buong mundo para lang makaharap ulit ang taong tinalikuran mo."

16. "Mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala.?

17. "Hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohan, at hindi lahat ng hindi mo kayang intindihin ay kasinungalingan?

18. "Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lang yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay! Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!"

19. "Pakawalan mo yung mga bagay na nakakasakit sa iyo kahit na pinasasaya ka nito. Wag mong hintayin ang araw na sakit na lang ang nararamdaman mo at iniwan ka na ng kasiyahan mo."

20. "Gamitin ang puso para alagaan ang mga taong malalapit sa iyo. Gamitin ang utak para alagaan ang sarili mo."

21. "Ang pag-ibig parang imburnal...nakakatakot mahulog...at kapag nahulog ka, it's either by accident or talagang tanga ka."

Yodz and Lolo Mangyan

YODZ and LOLO MANGYAN in the 21st Century
YODZ: Yodz Computer Store... Can I help you?
LOLO MANGYAN: Thanks. I’m setting up an office in my den, and I’m thinking about buying a computer.
YODZ: Mac?
LOLO MANGYAN: No, the name’s LOLO MANGYAN.
YODZ: Your computer?
LOLO MANGYAN: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.
YODZ: Mac?
LOLO MANGYAN: I told you, my name’s LOLO MANGYAN.
YODZ: What about Windows?
LOLO MANGYAN: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
YODZ: Do you want a computer with Windows?
LOLO MANGYAN: I don’t know. What will I see when I look in the windows?
YODZ: Wallpaper.
LOLO MANGYAN: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
YODZ: Software for Windows?
LOLO MANGYAN: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?
YODZ: Office.
LOLO MANGYAN: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
YODZ: I just did.
LOLO MANGYAN: You just did what?
YODZ: Recommend something.
LOLO MANGYAN: You recommended something?
YODZ: Yes.
LOLO MANGYAN: For my office?
YODZ: Yes
LOLO MANGYAN: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
YODZ: Office.
LOLO MANGYAN: Yes, for my office!
YODZ: I recommend Office with windows.
LOLO MANGYAN: I already have an office and it has windows! OK, let’s just say, I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
YODZ: Word.
LOLO MANGYAN: What word?
YODZ: Word in Office.
LOLO MANGYAN: The only word in office is office.
YODZ: The Word in Office for Windows.
LOLO MANGYAN: Which word in office for windows?
YODZ: The Word you get when you click the blue W
LOLO MANGYAN: I’m going to click your blue w if you don’t start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
YODZ: Yes, you want Real One.
LOLO MANGYAN: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!
YODZ: Real One.
LOLO MANGYAN: If it’s a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I watch them?
YODZ: Of course.
LOLO MANGYAN: Great, with what?
YODZ: Real One.
LOLO MANGYAN: OK, I’m at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?
YODZ: You click the blue 1
LOLO MANGYAN: I click the blue one what?
YODZ: The blue 1.
LOLO MANGYAN: Is that different from the blue W?
YODZ: The blue 1 is Real One and the blue W is Word.
LOLO MANGYAN: What word?
YODZ: The word in office for windows.
LOLO MANGYAN: But there’s three words in office for windows!
YODZ: No, just one. but it’s the most popular word in the world
LOLO MANGYAN: It is?
YODZ: Yes, but to be fair, there aren’t many other words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other words out there.
LOLO MANGYAN: And that word is real one?
YODZ: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn’t even part of Office.
LOLO MANGYAN: Stop! Don’t start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? Do you have anything I can track my money with?
YODZ: Money.
LOLO MANGYAN: That’s right. What do you have?
YODZ: Money.
LOLO MANGYAN: I need money to track my money?
YODZ: It comes bundled with your computer.
LOLO MANGYAN: What’s bundled to my computer?
YODZ: Money
LOLO MANGYAN: Money comes with my computer?
YODZ: Yes. No extra charge.
LOLO MANGYAN: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
YODZ: One copy
LOLO MANGYAN: Isn’t it illegal to copy money?
YODZ: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.
LOLO MANGYAN: They can give you a license to copy money?
YODZ: Why not, they own it....

Kilala mo ba si Dan Torres ng Bikol?

Si　Danilo "Dan" Torres, isang Bicolano, nagpunta sa　US　para mag TNT.

Pumasok sya ng convenience store para bumili ng yosi.
Pagdating sa counter, sabi ng cashier, "MASTER VISA?"

Namutla si Dan! Sa isip-isip nya "Patay!
Hinahanap ang visa ko!"

Dali-daling lumabas ng tindahan, sumakay ng kotse　at humarurot ng takbo. Paubos na gasolina nya kaya pumasok sa gas station at magpapakarga ng gasolina.

"Unleaded?"tanong ng gasoline attendant.
"Unleaded"sagot niDan.
"Pay first."sabi ng attendant.

Lalong namutla si Dan! "Patay! Hinahanapan ako ng　papers!"
Iniwan nya ang kotse!
at dali-daling?naglakad
papunta sa phonebooth upang tawagan ang kapatid nya sa　New York

"AT&T May I help you?"sagot ng operator.
Pinagpawisan ng malamig si Dan! "Pati operator
alam na TNT ako!"

May nakapilang PULIS na gagamit din ng telepono at tanong sa kanya... "
Are you done?"

Napatitig na lang si Dan sa PULIS! "Kilala siya...
AKO? Alam niyang DAN ang pangalan ko!"

sa isip-isip nya. Nang di makasagot si Dan,tinanong uli sya ngPULIS,
"Are you a tourist?"

Nanghina si Dan dahil pati apelyido niyang TORRES ay alam din ng PULIS!
At nang hihimatayin na sya, inalalayan sya ng
PULIS at sabi "BE COOL!"

"Inang ko po! Alam din nyang taga Bicol ako!

WAAAHHHH!

Uuwi na lang ako sa 'pinas!"

HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... .leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

Ang Alamat Kung Bakit Nagsisinungaling ang mga Lalaki

Ito ang alamat kung bakit nagsi-sinungaling ang mga lalaki.. .
Karpintero itong si Yodz at isang araw eh gumagawa siya ng isang
bahay sa tabi ng ilog.Sa lakas ng pagma-martilyo niya eh nalaglag
ang martilyo niya sa ilog.

Umiyak siya at lumitaw yung guardian angel niya, "tutulungan kita, Yodz".. .sabay lundag sa ilog.

Lumabas ito na me hawak na gold hammer, "ito ba ang martilyo mo?" ...
"hindi po"...
Lundag uli ang anghel at lumitaw na me silver hammer, "it ba?"..."hindi po"...
Lundag uli sa ilog ang anghel at lumitaw na me ordinary hammer, "ito ba?"..."
Opo" ...natuwa ang anghel. "Dahil honest ka, bukod sa martilyo mo, sa 'yo na rin ang gold and silver hammer"...

Makaraan ang ilang araw, naglalakad si Yodz sa ilog at kasama ang misis niya. Eh sa katangahan, nalaglag si misis sa ilog...iyak si Jojo.

Litaw si guardian angel, "tutulungan kita"...sabay lundag sa ilog at ng lumitaw eh kasama si Paris Hilton, "ito ba ang misis mo?"...sagot
si Yodz, "opo"...nagalit si anghel, "sinungaling ka. Akala ko pa naman mabait ka"...

Nag- reason-out si Yodz, "sorry po, angel...kasi kapag sinabi kong 'Hindi', eh lulundag ka uli sa tubig at pag-litaw mo eh kasama mo si Jessica Simpson.

At pag sinabi ko uli na hindi siya ang asawa ko, eh lulundag ka uli at ang tunay na misis ko na ang kasama mo. At dahil sa kabaitan ko, eh ibibigay mo din sa akin sina Paris at Jessica.

Mahirap lang po ako at hindi ko kaya ang me tatlong asawa, kaya 'Yes' na lang ang sinagot ko nung una.

Moral of the story: kaya lang naman nagsi-sinungaling ang mga lalaki
Eh for a good and noble reason.

Regrets

"Bakit ba pati ako, binibigyan nyo ng malisya? Ano ba ang kasalanan ko?!"
- Talong

"Hindi lahat ng malakas, super hero!"
- Putok

"Paano tayo makakabuo kung hindi ako papatong sa iyo?"
- Lego

"Halika, bigyan mo pa ako ng init. Kailangan kong pumutok para ako'yiyong matikman at ika'y masarapan. Ayan na! Puputok na! Humanda ka!"
- Popcorn

"Kahit papaano, gusto ko din ng exposure!"
- Singit

"Hindi ko hinahangad na ipagmalaki mo na ako'y sa iyo. Ayoko langnaman na sa harap ng maraming tao, ganun mo na lang ako itanggi!"
- Utot

"Hindi lahat ng hinog ay matamis!"
- Pigsa

"Kapag ang katawan mo'y nag-iinit, lagi na lang ako ang hinahanap mo.Maya't maya mo akong ginagamit at pinapagod. Hindi ka na naawa!"
- Aircon

"You never even thank me for making you happy, then you throw me awayjust like that. I hate you for using me, for making my life full ofshit!"
- Tissue

"You can cry all you want, you could always blame me. You said, itwasn't fair that you just want life to be better. But remember, it's allyour fault! You stabbed me with a knife!"
- Sibuyas

"Isubo mo ang kahabaan ko. Dilaan. Sipsipin. Paglaruan sa bibig mo.Para lumabas ang katas ko na kinasabikan mo. Nag mamahal,"
- Ice Candy

"Panakip butas mo lang pala ako!".
- Panty

"Pinapaikot mo lang ako! Nagsasawa na ako. Mabuti pang patayin mo nalang ako".
- Electric fan

"Hindi lahat na walang salawal ay bastos!"
- winnie d' pooh

"Alam mo ba wala akong ibang hinangad kundi ang mapalapit sa iyo.Pero patuloy ang pag-iwas mo".
- ipis

"Hala! sige magpakasasa ka! Alam ko namang katawan ko lang ang habol mo."
-hipon

"Ayoko na! Pag nagmamahal ako, lagi na lang maraming tao angnagagalit! Wala ba akong karapatang magmahal?!"
-Gasolina

"Sawang-sawa na ako, palagi na lang akong pinagpapasa- pasahan, pagodna pagod na ako."
- Bola

"Ginawa ko naman lahat para sumaya ka, mahirap ka ba talagangmakontento sa isa? Bakit palipat-lipat ka?
- TV

"Hindi lahat ng maasim may vitamin C"
-kili kili

"Pilitin mo man na alisin ako sa buhay mo, babalik at babalik ako!
-Libag

"Anung kasalanan ko sa iyo, iniwan mo na lang akong duguan..."
-Sanitary Napkin

"Hwag mo na akong bilugin.."
-kulangot

"Bwisit na buhay ito! Araw-araw na lang, itlog! Umaga, tanghali,gabi, itlog! Itlog! Itlog! Lagi na lang itlog!"
-Brief

"Sige, kalimutan mo ako para malaman ng iba ang baho mo!
-deodorant

"Ako lang ang makakapagpadugo ng ilong ni Manny Pacquiao!"
- English

"Hindi totoong anak ko si Bakekang! At lalong hindi ko kapatid siMike Enriquez! Kaya pwede ba, tigilan na ang tsismis na yan!"
- Shrek

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Source: author unknown [forwarded e-mail]