Nocturnal Wisdom » Thou shall not sleep at seven in the evening

I don’t know if it it’s worth writing what I have to say, because basically I am talking to a half-sleep idiot – which is myself. But I’ll say it for the two or three of you who are not. 

I only got three hours sleep last night because of watching that damn TV series “The Legend of the Seeker” which, by the way, lacks depth. After watching a few episodes I find it has a very common story plot – but I’m still planning to finish season one, and even bought season two DVD. Isn’t it idiotic? Well, still nothing beats Heroes, Lost and Prison Break.

Nocturnal wisdom

But I digress, I force myself to wake up early for work – sleepy and edgy the whole day, drink a bottle of beer at 6:00 p.m. while waiting for the heavy rain to get heavier. I felt really tired and wish that a lightning would perhaps strike that nearby tree or the radio antenna of the adjacent Paragon building – you know, just to break the damn monotony of this damn Monday. Karen Carpenter is right – rainy days and Mondays always get me down.

Expecting nothing unusual will happen today, I decided to go home and violate the bachelor’s unwritten commandment – Thou shall not sleep as early as seven in the evening. 

The annoying thing is that I wake up before midnight having these random thoughts about life. I cannot force myself to get back to sleep so I grab my laptop and decided to write my random midnight rants. 

Here’s  my self-help nocturnal wisdom:

Opportunity is not a talking peacock

I repeatedly ignore opportunity so maybe it loses its interest in me too. I now realize that opportunity is like a bird suddenly showing itself one sultry afternoon at the veranda. Because I thought it is just a common bird I see everyday, I immediately lose interest and turn my back on it. Then it spread its wings as it flew away, showing its bright and rare color hiding underneath – but of course, I missed it, because I’m impatient and turned my back on it. If I look a little longer and waited, I might saw it and be able to grab it. I beg to disagree to those who are saying that opportunities are rare; it is actually presenting itself to us everyday, the problem is how we look at it. It’s not always appearing as the flamboyant-talking peacock saying “Hey moron! I am opportunity, would you like to grab me?”

I always leave self-discipline on my pillow when I wake up

I always buy a Stradmore organizer at the start of every year. Written on the first few pages of it are the things I accomplished the previous year and what I intend to accomplish for the coming year. For the past three years I realized that I haven’t fully accomplished what I set three years ago – because I lack self-discipline. I always start a plan or project with fiery enthusiasm for a few months, only to be neglected and abandoned without any solid result. I can’t imagine what I could have accomplished if I could simply get myself to follow through on my best plans and intentions no matter what and if only I could always carry with me the art of self-discipline. 

Next time, don’t leave discipline on the pillow you bastard!

I guess I need a round of LATIGO whipping

I heard the military are the best teachers of discipline – so maybe educational institutions should include in their curriculum a one month stay in a military academy to learn about discipline? But of course, in any school even in military, they don’t actually teach the important life lessons; like discipline, attitude, and life in general. You have to learn it in the real world, in actual interaction with others and oftentimes learning it all by yourself.

So here I am, in the middle of the night, writing this nonsense and feeling stagnant.  I’ve written a number of blog post about discipline and I know I’m sounding like a crazy cricket here, repeatedly screaming meaningless and annoying noise in the middle of the night.  I guess what I need now is a round of whipping with a latigo – yes, that old trick of gaining self-discipline over our behaviors with the latigo (Filipino term for a whip).

However, self-flagellation with a latigo is a crazy 14th century practice of those obsessed Opus Dei members. Hence, I just make an acronym for LATIGO to make a convenient way to remember self-discipline.

What? An acronym for LATIGO? Yeah I know you’re probably thinking of those corny Filipino acronyms like I.T.A.L.Y. (I Trust And Love You) – I can’t believe they even make it a movie title, or C.H.I.N.A. (Come Here I Need Affection) or the worst - P.H.I.L.I.P.P.I.N.E.S. (Pumping Hot.. I Love It! Please Please.. I Need Erotic Stimulation!)

All right, all right let’s stop it. Here’s my acronym for L.A.T.I.G.O. (Lifelong Attitude Towards Initiating Goals Outstandingly)

See? I just gave my own definition of self-discipline meaning:

SELF-DISCIPLINE = LATIGO (Lifelong Attitude Towards Initiating Goals Outstandingly) 
{Applause! Applause!}
 
Ok, I’m not yet sleepy but I’ll stop this nonsense. Maybe a few pages of Umberto Eco’s Turning back the Clock and a glass of warm milk will help me get back to sleep.

…Oh shit, the milk carton is empty.

I didn’t expect comments but if you would like to drop one, I’ll appreciate it. Goodnight and Good morning folks!

The Tyranny of My Second Mind

Looking at my feet, I walked, and did not notice the rain,
Till the gentle droplets reached my brows and fall like tears,
With clouded thoughts, I stride the deserted street,
The jeepneys were gone, and men also few.

Annoyed being ignored, the rain got furious,
I heard its million drops hit the battered asphalt,
Forming a king’s crown as its journey ends,
And in my hands I saw my dreams, abandoned like a child.



Yet blamed my other mind that fractured my resolve,
Than I reviled my existence and myself,
For subjecting my sacred vow,
Upon the tyranny of my second mind. ***

- random poem by Yodz -

[Reflections on losing discipline, indecision and losing focus. 

Written during during the typhoon "Karen"] 

20 August 2008, Mandaluyong City. 

Notes:__________________________

***Paulo Coelho, the famous author of “The Alchemist” said that we have two minds, first is the one we use in decision making and is used for logical thinking, the other one is the random thoughts and most of the time, uncontrolled. If you wake up with a song that just keeps playing in your mind, humming a melody without lyrics like a “ta-de-dum…la la la” thing, well that is your second mind doing its trick. In my case, I consider my second mind as my evil mind. Maybe that’s why Paulo Coelho strongly suggests controlling or in some instances, killing your second mind. [Notes from my post: Tomorrow I Will Kill My Second Thought]

Keep Walking

Just finished doing my final report for my MIT-597 Artificial Intelligence class about Hybrid Expert System, CLOS, Facets, Demons and other mind boggling whatever. Damn it! I already spent hours trying to understand this 20-page report but I just can’t get the basic idea behind it.

I felt like a moron trying to learn some alien language, and worse I have to make a class presentation out of this topics. I googled it, but it just get more complicated - too technical stuff.

So, I just copy & paste some basics on powepoint slides hoping that nobody will ask questions during my presentation.

Also, I have to submit my accomplishment report for Proj.Dev. - OMG I haven’t started a single page yet. Working under pressure again – lazy yodz: on hibernation mode.

This is Grad. School – you’re always on your own, everybody is minding their own business. Missing my college buddies eh – always ready to help whatever it takes. Hi there CoET guys!

I definitely needed some re-organization. I’m losing something and I must immediately cut that hedge that’s blocking my goals: procrastination, over-analyzing, relationship crap and paying attention to time-wasters.

I must keep my eyes fixed on my goals. Zig ziglar said, “It was character that got us out of bed, commitment that moved us into action, and discipline that enabled us to follow through.”

Discipline, Character, Commitment, Action, Follow-through : All beautiful and inspiring words – easier said than done.

But I must keep walking.

Forward, always forward.